Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Burning. Chicken.

My human was doing something interesting.

I walked into the garden with a loud meow, to signal my arrival, and he was standing over a hot thing. There was smoke coming from it.

I could also smell meat.


My human was doing weird things with the meat. It was on top of fire. He was moving it around.

It smelt amazing.

I sat by the burning thing and stared up at my human.
I blinked, meowed, then rubbed against his legs.

I stayed next to the burning thing and stared up at my human.

He took the meat off the burning thing and I followed it with my eyes.

He sat down to eat the meat, so I moved next to him, stared, and meowed.

I meowed.
I stared.

 I meowed.
I stared.

I meowed.
I stared.

I meowed.
I stared.

I meowed.
I stared.

He dropped some meat for me, and I ate it. Chicken!
It was hot. Weird.

I went back to staring at him.

I got four more bits of chicken.

I like the burning thing.

Monday, 29 August 2016

Human perch

I has noticed that sometimes my human is with another human - a female human.

They seem to be very friendly with each other. They seem to like each other.

I has noticed that this female human gives me attention. This is good.

I has also noticed that if I want to get attention from my human, I just has to stand on the female human. If I do this, my human will stroke my head, tickle my chin, and rub my ears.

Sometimes I stand on the female human during the night. She makes a very good platform.

I thank my human for bringing this other human along.

Thursday, 25 August 2016


I was missing my human... and I was hungry ... so I came in through an open window last night.

I couldn't find my human.

I meowed in his sleeping room, but he didn't answer, come running, or give me food.

I meowed in the bit outside his sleeping room, but he wasn't there.

I meowed in the main, big room, but he didn't come running. How could he ignore me? I am cat.

I meowed, and meowed... then walked into the food room and he was on a chair, eating something.

I meowed loudly and stared at him.

I could smell food, so I jumped onto the chair next to him and sat down.


I stared at him.

I let out a cute meow.

I nose-nudged his arm.

I pawed his arm.

He broke off a tiny bit and put it next to me.


I ate it.

I looked up.

I stared at him.

I let out a cute meow...

Wednesday, 24 August 2016


It was so hot today, that I had to deal with having 'the flumps'.

I flumped on the floor outside.

When that got too hot, I went over to a bush and flumped behind that.

This didn't work, so I walked over to an outside chair and flumped on that.

Then I came indoors and flumped on the cool floor tiles.

Finally, I went and flumped on a cushion on a big chair.

My human put a whirring thing next to me that blew cold air.
Thanks human.

It was a very flumpy day.

Sunday, 21 August 2016


I walked over and sat by a wall earlier.
It looked different than it usually does.
The light was coming off it at a strange angle.
I didn't like this.

I sat by the wall, looked up, and stared at it.
I meowed my displeasure.
I meowed my displeasure.
I meowed my displeasure.

My human came over and said; 'Clive, why are you meowing at a wall?'

I blinked at him.

I turned back to the wall.
The light was still coming off it in a weird way.

I meowed at the wall.

I meowed at the wall.

I meowed at the wall.

My human sighed and walked away.

Saturday, 20 August 2016

World gone wrong?

I woke up from a big nap and was very confused.

Everything was all wrong.

The bright lights were on the floor.
Pictures were the wrong way up.
I couldn't see the rug that's usually by my feet.

Then I realised... I was on my back.

Thursday, 18 August 2016

Waking up happy

Sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night and I'm happy.
This means I want attention, chin tickles, and head pats.

I curled up next to my human's head last night. I made sure I was within stroking and patting range.

I woke up after a bit and was really happy. I was purring and doing a little happy catty dance. I wanted attention.

I thought my human should know about my happiness.

I walked over to him and nose-nudged him in the face, then went round and nose-nudged the other side of his face.

He said 'eh', reached out, and patted my head.

This made me even happier.

I walked onto his back and padded my paws up and down, then headbutted his head.

I walked to his face and nose-nudged him again... and again... and again.

He stroked my ear and face.

I liked this.

I rolled onto my side, to show my belly, and made a 'brrr' noise.

My human rubbed my belly.

I fell asleep.

Monday, 15 August 2016


I wonder what my nose smells like?
I wonder what my cheeks smell like?

I know what they taste like: I can lick them both.
I just can’t sniff them.

This bothers me.

I may have to eat tuna and think about this.

Friday, 12 August 2016

Not enough

I came in to see my human last night.

I needed food.

I jumped onto his bed, walked up him, and put my nose in his ear.
He said 'eugh, Clive', and rolled over.

I sat by his head and purred until he said 'okay, okay', then he got up and walked to my food bowl.

He put some tuna in jelly in my bowl.

I ate it and purred, then realised I was still hungry.

My human had laid down again, so I jumped onto the bed, walked over him, and sat on his head.
He said 'Clive, get off', and pushed me.

I went to where his face was and gave him some light catty headbutts.

He made a huffing noise, got up again, and put some more food in my bowl.

I ate the food and purred.
I was still hungry.

I went back to my human. I pawed at his face, then found some paper to claw and shred.

He said 'for fuck's sake', then got up and put some more food in my bowl.

I ate the food and purred.
I was now full.

I jumped onto my human's bed and slept on his feet.

Wednesday, 10 August 2016


I have seven chairs I usually sit on.
I went into the room near the outside door today, and the chair in there was gone.

Where had it gone?
There was a space where it usually was.

I went over to the space.
I sniffed around it.
I got dust up my nose and did a catty-choo.

I was confused.

I crouched down in the space for a bit.
I meowed at the wall.

I went to where one of my other chairs should be.
It was there.
I had a nap.

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Bouncy thing

I was in the garden.
It's warm.

I was sitting in the middle of the grass, watching over my territory, when a little thing with legs bounced past me.

My eyes were fixed on it. Must pounce.

I was just doing a pre-pounce wiggle, when the little thing bounced again and went over my head.
This confused me.

I spotted it, wiggled, pounced... and it bounced from between my paws.

I spotted it again, ran over to it, pounced, and got it.
I lifted up my paw... and it bounced away from me.

I chased it and it bounced, bounced, bounced, and went into a bush.

My ears went forward. I didn't understand the bouncy thing.

I stared at the bush for ages, but the bouncy thing didn't bounce again, so I had a nap.

Thursday, 4 August 2016


I came in to see my human last night.

I think it was late.

It was dark.

My human was sleeping and making a weird snorting noise from his mouth.

I wanted attention.

I jumped on the bed.

I walked up to his head.

I walked onto his head.

I sat on his head.

I purred.

He didn't wake up.

I kept purring.

I kept purring.

I kept purring.

He woke up and stroked my head. About time.

I sat on his head until he got up and fed me.

Monday, 1 August 2016


I like paper things.
I like shredding them with my claws.
This is lucky as my human has lots of paper things.

This morning I found something that said 'HM Revenue & Customs' on it.
I pawed it, then shredded it with my claws.
My human shouted: 'Clive! Stop it!'

I looked at him and carried on shredding it. I was having fun.

He came over to me and took the paper from between my paws.
I had a sad.

I licked my paw for a bit... then I spotted something else made of paper. It said 'NatWest' on it.
I grabbed it, bit it, then shredded it. Such fun.

My human put his hand to his face and shook his head.

I wasn't sure what this meant, so I carried on shredding the paper.