I ate a lot, last night.
This morning, I woke up and my tummy was rumbling.
I really needed to do a catty poo.
My human would not wake up, to let me out, so I had to use the weird tray of small stones.
I did what I needed to do, but when I'm outside, I like to bury my catty dirt. I'm not proud of it.
I did not feel that there were enough small stones in the weird tray, but I tried to bury my catty dirt as much as possible.
I kept burying and burying, and I think I may have accidentally spread the weird stones across the floor.... so I went to have a nap on my favourite chair.
I woke up when I heard 'Clive! Where are you?!' being shouted from the room where the weird tray is kept...
My human was asleep, this morning.
He seemed to be in a very deep sleep.
I decided to use my catty powers.
I curled up next to his head and stared at him... then I stared at him some more.
Suddenly, he woke up. He appeared to be dribbling. My big, staring catty eyes shocked him and he jumped a bit.
He said something like 'bloody hell, Clive!', then patted me on the head.
I then nose-nudged him until he put out some food.
The power of the catty stare...
I don't like the water my human puts out for me. I never drink it. It's too clear, so I don't trust it.
I like to go outside and look for a suitable puddle, or an empty plant pot with water in, or one neighbour who has a little pond.
When I drink, I have lots of little catty thoughts. I think this is called 'being philosophilophical'.
I had a big thought today: bees are furry. If they had tails, and were a bit bigger, they'd be just like cats - cats that eat from flowers.
I like drinking and thinking.
Some humans, nearby my own human, have got a new climbing thingy in their garden.
I'm a bit older now, so I don't like climbing as much, but this new thing was very tempting...
I sat at the bottom of it, looked up, and swished my tail with excitement.
... then I launched myself, and scrambled upwards.
I think I might've had a bit too much catty food recently, though - I only got halfway up, and the climbing thingy started to fall over.
I heard a human say 'oi!', then jumped down and ran off in a panic.
I got home and my tail was all puffed out.
My human was very confused.
My human seems particularly sleepy on Monday mornings. It takes all of my catty tricks to get him up to feed me... sometimes I nearly starve.
His sleepiness does allow me certain treats though: I get the best belly rubs on Monday mornings.There's a method to getting the best belly rubs, though.
I wait 'til my human is just starting to move his legs - this shows that he's waking up. Then, as he sits up, I roll onto my back with my belly up.
I make a cute 'brrrrr' sound and tuck my front paws in, giving full access to my belly.
My human, at this point, usually says 'aaah' and gives me lots of belly rubs.
I have to try, with all my might, not to go into attack mode. This prolongs the belly rubs.
After that, I nap.
I just ran through some grass, chasing fast meeces... but I lost them.
... then I realised I was covered in these white feathery things, all over my black fur.
They were all over my face. They tickled my sensitive catty nose and made me do catty-choos.I tried to lick some of them off me, but they got stuck to my tongue.
I feel a bit silly, covered in them.
I think they came from this plant...
It is sunny. I am happy again.
I was lying down for a bit, but decided I wanted some attention from my human.
I walked over to him and - as is standard catty practice - dropped to the floor.
I rolled left.
I rolled right.
I rolled left.
I rolled right.
I rolled left.
I rolled right.
I rolled left.
I rolled right.
Having not gained my human's full attention, I combined these rolls with my cutest meow and tucked my front paws in.
This worked.
I got belly rubs, stretched out with happiness, then went to sleep in the shade.
A good day...
I don't like it when this happens: my human came home yesterday, and he smelt too human.
Not only did he smell of normal humanness, he also had other scents on him; other cats, a bit of dog, some food (but he didn't have food with him - I checked), grass and mud.
The only way round this was to make him smell of cattyness again. This involves lots of bunting, and rubbing my catty face all over his human face, as well as his arms and legs.
It took quite a while to make my human smell normal again, but I managed it.
I hope he doesn't go out and come back smelling as human as that - catty smell is much better.
My human has still not been around as much, so I have stayed at my other human's.
They have run out of chicken though - I'm not happy. They clearly don't appreciate my needs.
However, one of their beds is very comfortable, and they give good ear scratches.
I shall honour them with my presence a little longer.
If the chicken situation continues though, I'll have to go back to my human.
My human has disappeared for a bit, so I have decided to take a catty holiday.
He went out one night, and wasn't home when I meowed at the back door.
So... I have gone to visit one of my other favourite humans. They feed me chicken, give me belly rubs, and have a nice catty friend for me to play with.
The only slight problem is that the lady human smells of sweet stuff - it's a bit strange, and my fur tastes of it when I clean myself.
I shall return to my original human in a bit, but I think he needs to be made to miss me first.
Something has changed in my territory.
I don't like it when this happens - it confuses me.
Usually, I wander into my next door human's garden through one of the gaps in the fence, or where it has fallen over completely.
Today, I wandered over and there was a big, tall, orange thing in my way... the humans have put up a new fence!
This has given me all sorts of catty problems. This new fence doesn't smell of me. I will have to rub myself all over it, and spray it... this may take a number of days.
I also have to get used to jumping over it now. I will have to get used to its height, judge my catty jumping angles, and test out how sturdy it is.
I don't like all of this.
I wish humans would keep things in my territory as they are.
I shall have to meow my protests to both my human and my next door humans.
I am happy.
I has been outside and discovered something. There was a large pot which had a plant in it.
That pot no longer has a plant in - it's empty.
It fits my little catty bum perfectly. I can now sit in it and watch over my entire territory; every mouse that moves, every bird that lands, every bee or fly that comes past.I think the empty pot might be my new favourite place for sits.
Happy.
