Sunday, 26 November 2017

Too much stuff

I like to wander over to my human, to see what he's up to and to get some attention.

I wish he was more tidy though. I wish he didn't leave stuff everywhere.

It's hard to step over everything to get to him, and bits of paper are all slippery under my paws.

Also, I can't tell what's food and what isn't - so I have to sniff everything, just in case.

Silly, messy human.

Saturday, 25 November 2017

Up and up

I was outside before, having a sniff around my territory.

I went over to one corner, and climbed onto a plant pot.

After I was on the plant pot, I decided to climb onto a fence post.

After the fence post, I decided to walk along the fence.

Near the end of the fence was a roof. I decided to jump onto it.

When I got onto the roof, and walked a bit, I realised it was quite high.

My human could see me, and he opened a window and said 'Hi Clive'.

I meowed at him as I wasn't sure how to get down from the roof.

He said 'hi' again, in a silly voice.

I didn't want him to talk - I wanted a way to get down from the roof.
I meowed at him again, for help. He didn't understand.

He closed the window.

It took me a long time - with lots of sitting, staring, and licking my paws - but I found a way off the roof.

Idiot human.

Sunday, 19 November 2017


I woke up when it was dark, jumped down from my human's bed, and went to have a little snack.

But when I got to my bowl, I saw something terrible... awful... worthy of the loudest meows.

I saw this...


This was an emergency.

How was I supposed to eat any catty biscuits? The bowl was empty.

I was so upset.

I meowed and meowed and meowed at my human.

He rolled over and said 'shut up, Clive'.

The situation was becoming more urgent by the minute.

I flapped at the carpet and kept meowing.
I meowed from deep within me.

Eventually, my human said 'for fuck's sake', sat up, got out of bed, and poured lots of biscuits into my bowl.

He then said, 'now shut up'.

I ate the biscuits.
Everything was better.

Saturday, 18 November 2017

Half warms

It's that time of year when the humans make the big, white, metal things warm up.
I like it when they do this.

I like to sit on the big warm things.

Sometimes I get too warm though, and I'm not sure what to do, because I'm too sleepy to move.

I've found a good place for naps though.
I can have half of my feets and belly on the big warm thing, and the other half on a cold, tiled bit.
Now I can have half warms, and nap properly.
I has a happy.

Sunday, 12 November 2017


My human invited other humans round to the house today.
He makes lots of food when he does this.

He made chicken. A big chicken.

He kept cutting bits off it, so I went and sat next to his legs and stared up at him.

He cut chicken.
He cut chicken.
He cut chicken.

Then he dropped a bit.
I ate it.

He cut more chicken.
Then he dropped a bit.

He cut more chicken.
Then he put a bit in my bowl.

It was worth sitting and staring at him.

Friday, 10 November 2017

New poo tray

I had a lot to eat, then needed to do a poo.

I went to go to my usual place, indoors, and there was something different - a new poo tray.

It was strange, and shiny, and didn't smell of me.

I sniffed it.
I pawed it.
I sniffed it again.

I trusted it, so I jumped in and did a poo.
It works.

I have now claimed the new poo tray as mine.

Wednesday, 8 November 2017


I noticed that my humans do something after they've eaten: they take their bowls and wash them under water.

This is strange.
I don't do this.
But I do sometimes wonder how my bowl has become clean, when it wasn't me who cleaned it.

Last night I decided to help the humans with their bowl washing.

They'd just finished something that had tuna in it. I could smell it.

They left their bowls on a table, so I jumped up, went over to the bowls, saw the tuna bits that were left, and gave both bowls a good wash with my tongue.
I was very pleased with my work.

The female human walked into the room and said 'Clive - get down from there!'

I meowed at her, and jumped down from the table.

I had done some work, so I went for a nap.

Thursday, 2 November 2017


As it gets colder, I like to be inside more.

Luckily my human is made of warms, so I like to find him and sit next to, or on, him.

I like to find him on the big, comfy chair, then sit down on him, then curl up in his lap.

The problem is, he moves a lot.

Sometimes he reaches for a drink that's in front of him.
This means I have to readjust my napping position - standing up, walking in a circle three times, then curling up on his lap again.

I like napping on his lap though.
I has a cosy.