I was licking my bum and my tail, when I realised something.
When I greet my human, I meow, rub my body on his legs, rub my face on doors, and stand on his feet. If he's lying down, or closer to the ground, I'll nose-nudge his face.
This is normal.
When my human greets me, he doesn't rub against me or anything else - he just says 'hellooooo' in a really strange voice, or makes noises like 'oooji boooji'.
I don't think this is normal.
Humans are weird.
My catty senses tell me that it is raining.
I have decided to stay in and survey my territory from the comfort of the back of the large chair.
The window is very interesting. There's a drip of water running down the middle of it, and one to the left. The one on the left was going faster, then stopped. The one in the middle went past it.
The one in the middle is now slowing again. I don't know which one to watch. It's been a tough day.
My human was handling something... then he started to take a peel off of it.
Food?
It was bright orange. I was hungry.
I meowed at my human.
He said; 'Go away, Clive'.
After meowing by his feet for a bit, I got bored.
I jumped onto the table, pretended I wanted affection, rubbed against my human's arm, got up close to the orange thing, and....
Catty-eugh! What is that??
It got right up my nose, sent my catty senses mad, made me step back and wrinkle my whiskers, and made me do catty-choos.
I jumped down from the table, and had to walk around the house doing catty headshakes.
Stupid human. Why would he eat something like that? I won't be paying him any attention for a while.
I'd had a long nap, chased a piece of string, then eaten lots of food. I really wanted to go outside.
I really really wanted to go outside.
I meowed to my human, but got no response. He was in another room.
I meowed, and meowed, and meowed, walking around the house until I saw my human.
He said; 'What?'
I meowed at him again. I don't think he understood the urgency - I wanted to go outside.
I meowed while looking up at him, then I meowed at the door.
Then I meowed at the door and pawed at it.
Then I meowed at the door and clawed at it.
My human opened the door and let me outside.
I ran outside and sat down.
It was wet.
I meowed to come back inside.
I just ran all the way up my garden.
Then I ran behind a sofa.
I've just run all the way here.
I've no idea why.
Bye.
My human left a jumper on his bed.
I woke up from a nice nap, and stretched out.
I stretched out my paws, yawned, and caught a claw in the jumper. I tried to pull my paw back, but my claw was stuck in it.
I kept trying.
Get off!
Get off!
Get off!
Get off!
I'm attached to the jumper.
I've meowed to my human, but he's yet to respond.
What if I'm like this forever?
I've had a tough morning.
I was cleaning my underbits, and had my back leg sticking up so that I could reach the parts I needed to ... but I got stuck.
My head got caught under my back leg and it was still in the air. I tried to wriggle free, and grumbled a bit, but I couldn't move.
I couldn't really meow as I had been mid-lick, so my tongue was poking out.
Eventually, my human came to me and pulled my back leg down.
I gave him a grumpy meow to say 'where were you?', turned my back on him, and had a nap.
I know that we're in the cold months. Most of my favourite prey disappear at this time; meeces, birds, rabbits, flies, butterflies, spiders... anything that moves.
It's hard for me. I get lonely, lack things to chase, cannot bring presents home, and have to pounce on other things, like dust, light, paper, and human hands.
But... today was an interesting day. I went to go to my food bowl and saw something on the wall... a spider. I haven't seen one in catty months.
It was really small, and was dangling from a thread that was up its bum.
It was too high up on the wall though.
I stared at it.
I stared at it some more.
I meowed at it.
I meowed to my human to come and see it.
I stared at it again.
I willed it to come to the floor, so we could play.
I'm still staring at it.
I think I'll stare at it until it's nap time. It has to come down eventually.
My human wasn't around and I didn't feel very well.
In fact, I had to do a catty sick.
As is the rule for cats, I was sick in as many different places as possible, across one room.
I felt a bit funny, so I had a nap next to one of my catty sicks.
My human came home, looked around his room, and said: 'Oh Clive. What's happened? Are you okay?'
I kept my head down, didn't meow too much, got some head rubs, then walked past him.
I think he must've picked up the catty sick, as it wasn't there when I went into the room again.
I was quiet for a bit, and got lots of fuss.
I then heard my human opening a tin of tuna, so I appeared at his feet and meowed.
He gave me a funny look and said; 'I take it you're feeling better then?'
I forgot that I was supposed to be poorly. I didn't get any tuna, and I haven't had as much fuss since.
Maybe I should have catty sicks again, in a few days ...
I have been with my human for quite some time now.
I thought I was used to most things, but, last night, something strange happened... there were meeces under the covers, where my human sleeps.
I've never seen them before, but they kept moving underneath the covers, really quickly.
I pounced on three of them, but there was nothing between my paws when I lifted them up.
I looked at my human, but he didn't seem to have any answers.
It's so strange - I've never seen those bed meeces on my human's bed.
I was confused.
I had a nap.
It feels like I haven't been getting enough attention recently, particularly in the form of belly rubs.
I have now found a way to make sure I get more belly rubs.
Today, I have laid down (and, occasionally, fallen asleep) across the doorway to the food room, the doorway to my human's sleeping room, the doorway to our mutual toilet, and the doorway to the room that isn't used much.
These positions ensure that my human has to stop, stoop down, and give me attention.
I have had 12 belly rubs today.
I think my human is happy.
He keeps shouting, jumping about, and singing.
This is good for him. It's not good for me.
He keeps picking me, trying to squeeze me, then saying 'mwah!' as he puts his face to me.
I struggle and struggle, and squirm in his arms, but he doesn't get the hint. He still picks me up. It confuses me. I'll be walking along, minding my own catty business, or licking my paw, when suddenly the ground disappears from beneath me.
I think the 'mwah' thing is a sign of affection, but why can't we just rub noses, like normal creatures do?
I have to do catty headshakes when I'm put down on the floor, then I have to clean myself as I'm covered in human smell.
I hope he's in a normal mood tomorrow. If not, I may have to hide behind the big, comfy chair.
My human has been quite relaxed for the last two weeks, and I've had lots of time for naps.
He seems quite active today though - keeps muttering something about 'new year'... 'first day'... 'emails'.
He's not on his bed, like he has been. He's at a table.
I have decided he needs me by his side.
He keeps looking at things, but they take his attention away from me, so I've decided to sit on them.
So far, I've sat on a newspaper, a calendar, a diary, a pen, and bits of paper with 'invoice' written on them.
I think this is useful. If I continue to sit on these things and look cute, my human strokes me, scratches my head, and says 'you're a pain in the arse'.
I'm not sure what this means, but I'm happy.
