Friday, 26 February 2016


I have noticed that my human reads these things called 'newspapers', and he often brings them home.

I like it when he does this. They're my favourite thing to shred with my claws.

Sometimes I shred them because I'm bored, sometimes I do it for attention, sometimes I do it to wake my human up, if he won't feed me.

I have decided that, of all the newspapers, my favourite one to shred is 'The Metro' - the paper is thin, I like the colours, and it shreds really easily.

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

A different seat

I was in my human's toilet room today, and I was bored.

I sniffed the walls, but that didn't help.

I jumped onto the cover that goes over my human's toilet, and saw the place where he stands to rub his teeth.
The thing where he stands looked so white and shiny... I had to jump into it.

It was perfect for naps; perfect shape, perfect size, and my bum was warm, so the cold, white, shiny thing felt nice.

I had a nap.

Tuesday, 23 February 2016

Strange holiday

I've just had a very confusing few days.

It started when my human trapped me in the weird plastic box. He lured me there with a small piece of cheese. Evil human.

He then put me in the vroom. I hate the vroom - it constantly moves, there are funny noises, and it makes me feel sick.
I meowed, and meowed, and meowed.

My human then stopped the vroom and took me, in the plastic box, into a strange building. It smelt of cleaning things and... and... catty scents.

I heard meows. Other cats? In my territory? Was I still in my territory?

I heard my human talking to a female human. She smelt nice.

They lifted up the plastic box and opened it... into a strange, small, brick house, with a window. It had a wee tray in it, and my little catty bed.

I had a sniff and a look.

My human was wittering away, making human sounds, saying something about 'missing my Clive', and stroking my head.

That was nice, but I spotted a large hole in this small house. I could jump through it, so I did. There was big ledge with a window to look out of. I saw a sparrow.


When I came back from the ledge, my human was gone, but my little home was warm, so I didn't care. I had a nap.

I stayed in this mini-home for what felt like catty-months. I got lots of affection from female humans, and, when I meowed my head off, they fed me. I was enjoying it.

... then my human turned up again, and said: 'Cliiiiiive!'

I blinked.

The nice-smelling lady put me back in the weird plastic box and gave me back to my human. I was confused again.

My human put me back in the vroom and I meowed, and meowed, and meowed.

He stopped the vroom... and suddenly I was back in my home again.
I wasn't happy with my human, so I turned my back on him and showed him my bum hole.

But... I had to rule my territory again, so I rubbed myself against every door frame, chair, and table.

I then meowed at the walls, did a big poo in my tray, and shredded a newspaper.

What a strange holiday.

Friday, 19 February 2016


I was asleep on my human's bed. It was dark. I woke up and realised that I needed a wee.

I have a wee tray, but I also have a favourite weeing place, outside.

I went to go to my usual window, but my human had shut it... or forgotten to leave it open.

I really, really wanted to wee in my outside place.

I went back to my human, on his bed, and meowed by his feet. He didn't get up.

I jumped down from the bed and went to the door. I reached up and rattled the door handle with my front paws. I rattled it 47 times... but my human didn't get up.

I jumped back onto the bed and walked up and down my human's body. No response.

I jumped back down onto the floor, found some paper, and started shredding it with my claws. He didn't wake up.

I jumped up onto the bed, went over to my human's head, and sat on the pillow. I purred in his ear. I meowed. I nose-nudged him. I sat on his head. Still no response.

I meowed my final protests, then, eventually, had a wee in my wee tray... making sure that I scattered the little stones all over the floor.

Stupid human.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

They're back

I think things are changing. I sense that it's getting a bit warmer.
I've also caught some meeces. I haven't seen them in ages.

I caught one, yowled to my human to let him know I was bringing a present, then dropped it at his feet.
I accidentally lost its head. Not sure where it went.

My human put his hand over his eyes and shook his head. I'm not sure what this means.

He patted me on the head though, so he must be happy with me.

I'm happy too. The meeces are back.

Monday, 15 February 2016


I've had an interesting morning.

I stared at a plant.

When I got bored of staring at it, I blinked at it.

I then walked over to some curtains and stared at them. After a while, I swished my tail while still staring at them.

I saw my human sitting down. I walked over to him, sat by his chair, and stared at him.

Eventually, he looked down at me. I looked away.

When he looked away from me, I stared at him again.

When he looked down at me, I turned my head.

I went for a nap.

Friday, 12 February 2016


My human put a new plant in the big room.

I don't like it. It's too green.

I bit it.

My human said: 'Stop it, Clive'.

He turned round.

I bit it again.

And again.

It didn't taste very nice.

It made me feel sick.

I went outside.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

Hard work ruined

I woke up from a nap and had a good wash.

I licked both of my front paws clean.

I licked the ends of both back legs, being careful to chew the dirt out of my claws.

I licked my bum and my tail.

I licked my sides and my front.

I licked my paw and wiped it behind my ears.

I'd just finished, when my human came up to me, ruffled my head, stroked the fur on my side, made a weird 'oooji' sound, then walked off.


I now smelt of human.

I had to start cleaning myself all over again.

Monday, 8 February 2016


I don't like it outside, today.

I ran across my territory and got blown sideways.

I went to pounce on a leaf and it blew away.

I scrambled up a fence and got blown over the other side.

I even got blown sideways while having a wee.

Not happy.

Friday, 5 February 2016

I was sleeping

I was having a lovely nap, earlier.

I was in a really deep sleep.

All of a sudden, I felt something heavy on me, woke up quickly, and meowed.

My human was on the floor, saying; 'Fuck's sake, Clive'.

I was in the middle of the floor in the food room. This felt like a good place to nap.

Stupid human. He woke me up.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016


I finished my food, earlier, and really needed a wee.

I didn't have time to get outside, so decided to go in my indoor toilet, next to my human's toilet.

When I'd finished, I wiped my paws on my tray, then looked around and felt that my human's floor was too shiny and smooth.

To make the floor better, I scooped the little stones in my tray onto it, and spread them out.

The floor looks really good. I hope my human is pleased with it.

I'm going outside.

Monday, 1 February 2016

Tricky choice

I came in from hunting, when it was dark, and found two humans sleeping in my human's bed.

This confused me.

I went up to my human and nose-nudged him. He made a strange groaning noise, reached out, and patted my head.

I went over to the other human. She did the same.

I walked up and down both of them. I had a tough choice to make. Which human was the least lumpy? Which human was the warmest? Which human would wriggle about the least? Which human would be best to fall asleep on?

I carried on walking up and down both humans, purring, and decided to curl up on the other one.
She was much warmer, but she kept moving.

I got up, walked in a circle three times, then settled down by my human's legs.
I was comfy for a long time... then my human wriggled and woke me up.

In the end, I slept between the two humans until I was hungry - then I meowed for them to wake up.