I found a blue thing on the floor.
I wasn't sure what it was, so I batted it with my paw.
It moved... but I wasn't sure if it moved on its own or my paw moved it.
I pawed it again.
It moved further.
I batted it across the floor.
I chased it.
I pounced on it.
I lost my grip on it and it went across the floor again.
I chased it.
I pounced on it.
It didn't seem to respond.
Maybe it's dead. Or hibernating.
I bit it one more time, then got bored and went for a nap.
There are two new humans in the house at the moment.
I've been watching them very carefully.
They do odd things, like putting sheets down on the floor, and taking things off the wall in the humans' toilet room.
I have decided to help them, by napping on the sheets and by staring at them.
I've stared at them while they took things off the wall.
I've stared at them while they cut things, outside, using a big, noisy thing.
I've stared at them while they put things back on the wall.
I like staring at them. I hope they stay a bit longer.
I was looking around the room earlier and I spotted a strange corner, on the ceiling. The light fell on it in a funny way.
I stared at it.
I meowed at it.
My human looked at me, then looked where I was staring, and said 'what - what is it?'
I kept staring at the weird corner.
I let out a low yowl.
My human said 'what's wrong? What can you see?'
I kept staring.
I yowled again.
I puffed out my fur.
My human said 'what are you looking at? You're freaking me out'.
I kept staring.
I yowled.
I got bored and walked to my food bowl.
In all of my years of experience as a cat, I've found out one very important thing: if I want human attention, I has to sit in a doorway.
Today I sat in the doorway to the food room, getting in the way until I was fed.
Later I sat in the doorway to the humans' sleeping room, getting in the way until I got pats on the head and an ear scritch.
I'm now going out, across the road to other humans. I'll sit in their doorways and see what I can get.
Today, I looked down at my feets.
I looked down at them for a long time.
I wondered many things:
How did they come to be?
Why are they at the bottom of my legs?
Why are they so furry?
Why are my claws neatly tucked away: why can't they be out all the time?
Why are my front feets different to my back feets?
What would happen if my feets didn't exist?
I sat and thought about this for a long time, then I had an urgent need to lick my side, as it felt dirty.
I've been outside quite a bit today, but I don't like it.
I don't like it because there's fuzzy rain.
Fuzzy rain isn't proper rain. It doesn't fall in big drops.
But it still covers me.
It covers my fur in a fine layer of fuzzy water.
It gets stuck in my whiskers.
It gets up my nose.
It gets in my ears and makes me do catty headshakes.
I've come inside for a nap, as I'm fed up with the fuzzy rain.
I hope it rains properly soon, or doesn't rain at all.
I didn't come home and see my humans last night.
I stayed out all night.
I'm not sure why - I just felt like it.
I sat on fences.
I stared at the sky.
I sniffed walls.
I pounced on leaves on the floor.
I jumped from roof to roof.
I went into two sheds.
I stared at the sky again.
I licked a puddle.
Finally, I came home.
I was very hungry, so I meowed and meowed at my humans.
I wanted ham, but they gave me something in jelly - fish, I think. It was okay.
I enjoyed my night out.
The other cat in the house is learning more and more from me, each day.
Today, she learnt the true art of napping.
I was modelling the perfect napping position when she jumped onto the humans' bed.
I watched her study me, and learn.
The perfect napping position includes:
Curling your body round in a circle, to keep all your inner bits warm.
Tucking your nose in, so it doesn't get cold.
Tucking your front feets in, both so they're out of the way and so that you look cute to humans, giving access for belly rubs.
Tucking your back feets in, so no human is tempted to touch them.
Keeping your head down, but your ears up, just in case there's any danger/you hear a tin of tuna being opened.
The other cat has more or less understood the correct napping position, but is still learning. With practice, she'll get it just right.
The other cat in my house really has a lot to learn.
Aside from talking too much, he keeps doing something odd: he keeps scratching this...
I've tried to show him the way - that there are beds, carpets, doors, and big comfy chairs to scratch... but he keeps going back to this one post.
It's so odd. It's like he thinks it was designed for cats.
I'll keep scratching other things... until I get shouted at by the humans and have to run off.
I was out in my territory, when I spotted something strange - lots and lots and lots of colourful things, all in one spot.
My humans must've been doing something weird.
The colourful things were pink and purple and orange, and nearly all of them were tubes. I had a confused.
I sniffed them and they all smelt the same: they smelt of burning and damp.
I didn't know what they were, but I didn't want any other cat claiming them, so I made sure I sprayed them with wee.
Weird tubes.
I don't mind the other cat that seems to have moved into my house, but there is one annoying thing about her: she meows too much.
I only meow for specific things:
Ham
Chicken
'I'm hungry' (a more general meow)
'I want attention/affection'
'Open the door/let me outside'
'You're annoying me'
'Ow - that hurts!'
Other than that, I don't meow - I just stare.
This other cat meows all the time, just for the sake of it. Half of the time I can't understand what she's saying. The other day, I'm sure she said 'I want to attack the curtains, as I think they contain the devil'.
She's okay, but cats should use meows sparingly - to actually get something from the humans.
