Friday, 28 August 2015

Being chased

I woke up this morning, after a long nap, went to get food, and ... something was following me.

I don't like being followed.

I turned round to attack it and it went away.

Then I saw it again.

I turned round to attack it and it went away.

Then I saw it again.

I turned round to attack it and it went away.

Then I saw it again.

I turned round to attack it and it went away.

Then I realised it was my tail.

After that, I went to eat some chicken and biscuits.

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Big rain

The rain is much bigger than it was a few days ago.

I'm not going to go outside.

I may still meow at the door though.

Big rain gets in my ears and makes me do catty headshakes. It also makes it harder to see meeces.

I have decided to use the day wisely, by pouncing on carpet fluff and napping.

Monday, 24 August 2015

Small rain

I was having a nap on my favourite cushion, but woke up with the urge to stretch my paws.

I went to the door and asked my human to let me out.

He opened the door and I swished my tail. It was raining, but only small rain. Little bits.

It was warm inside, but I wanted to go outside ... but there was rain.

I went outside, walked five paw-strides, and sat under a table. Now I was outside, with the feeling of being inside, while looking through the small rain.

I saw no meeces, got bored, and meowed at the door for my human to let me in.

I am now napping on the cushion again.

Thursday, 20 August 2015


I'm very happy. I think it's because I caught a fly earlier.

I have been wandering around chatting and singing the song of my people.

I like doing this.

My human keep saying things like 'what is it?' and 'shut up, Clive'.

I'm just happy singing though... meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.


Wednesday, 19 August 2015


I have catty suspicions.

My human came home yesterday, picked me up for a cuddle (he knows I hate this), and I smelt something strange... something disgusting... 

He smelt of dog!

My human has been with a dog, and possibly stroked it.

I jumped down from his arms, stared at him, then walked off.

He tried to scratch my ears, but - out of anger - I did not respond.

I'm so annoyed that I've decided to have a long nap.


Monday, 17 August 2015

Happy Clive Day!

I've always considered myself to be wonderful, smooth, agile, intelligent, sleek, and modest.
So I'm happy that there is a day in honour of my supreme cattiness.

I have heard humans talking, and seen things on the internet... today is Black Cat Appreciation Day.

Today, my human shall feed me prawns, tickle my chin on demand, and allow me to sleep on his head without him moving about.

I expect to be fully appreciated, and showered with tuna and meeces.

Happy Clive day to all fellow Clives out there.

Thursday, 13 August 2015

What's that noise??

I slept next to my human last night, and was woken up by a really loud noise. It came from him.

I've heard this noise before, but it was so loud this time.

It was a kind of grunting, snorting noise, coming from his mouth.

I tried nose-nudging him.

I tried pawing him.

I tried staring at him.

He didn't wake up though.

Stupid human.

Wednesday, 12 August 2015


My human was in the food room yesterday.

He had salmon. My little catty nostrils could sense it and wouldn't stop twitching.

I tried to be cute.

I tried to meow by his feet.

I tried to rub against his legs.

I tried to jump onto the chair next to him, and rub my head on his arm.

I tried to paw at the plate.

He put me outside the food room and closed the door.

I could see through the door.

I really wanted the salmon.

I stared at him for catty hours.

He didn't give me salmon.

I'm going to do a big catty poo in the litter tray later, while he's trying to sleep.

Monday, 10 August 2015

Guide to getting tummy rubs

I hope that some other cats come across this. Having reached the age of 60 catty years, here are my tips on making sure your human gives you good tummy rubs:

- Lie on your tummy, paws stretched out, face resting on paws: this looks cute and sleepy, and attracts humans.

- If your human doesn't approach of their own accord, let out a tiny, squeaky meow, to get attention.

- As your human approaches, let out a 'hi' meow, then roll onto your back or side, exposing your tummy.

- Just as they get to you, tuck your front paws right in for maximum cuteness. You may purr a little too.

- Let your human rub and tickle your tummy, being sure to purr and close your eyes.

- You may roll over, back and forth, to appear playful.

- Try, where possible, not to have a catty brain spasm and switch to attack mode, biting and bunny kicking your human's hand. This confuses humans and means they are less likely to give future belly rubs.

That's it, catty friends.

Hope you receive lots of belly rubs.

Friday, 7 August 2015


It's too warm in my human's room.

The cushions smell wrong on my favourite chair.

The floor is too cold in the food room.

It's too dark in the main room.

The mud is too knobbly to sleep on.

The grass looks too green to lie on.

The outside floor seems too hard.

Not sure what to do - I might just walk around meowing.

Wednesday, 5 August 2015

What is he doing?

This is weird.

I was cleaning my paws, when my human came up to me, looked at me, and started cleaning his own paws with his tongue.

This completely confused me.

I stopped cleaning my paws, stared at him, blinked, then pulled my tongue back into my mouth as I'd left it sticking out.

I'm not quite sure what he was doing, so I put my head down and went to sleep.

Weird human.

Monday, 3 August 2015

The return

My human went away for what seemed like catty weeks.

I could've been sad, but I know a house full of other humans who serve me chicken and give me belly rubs.

I stayed with these humans for a bit, then returned last night to find that my human was home.

My human appeared to be sleeping, and said 'Clive... what are you doing?' as I walked all over him.

I sniffed him and he didn't smell of me, so I rubbed my face all over his face until I felt he was mine again.

After that, I walked round in circles for a bit and went to sleep on his legs.