Sunday, 9 December 2018


My human fed me, but I was still hungry, so I went over to the big tall white thing and meowed for ham...




My human finally understood, opening the big tall white thing and giving me bits of ham. I was happy.

Then she suddenly stopped giving me ham, showing me the pack and saying 'empty'. There was nothing in it.
I was devastated.
My world had ended.

I didn't know what to do.
I decided to nap by the big warm white thing until I was less sad. This seemed to work.

Saturday, 8 December 2018

Different levels

I has decided that I would like to be fed in a new way, but I'm struggling to get my humans to understand this.

I like to eat half a pack of food upstairs, outside the humans' sleeping room, then I like to go downstairs and eat half a pack in the humans' food room.

My humans have been slow to understand this. It has taken many meows, blinks, stares, and walks down the stairs.

They now know what to do, but they huff and puff a lot when they do it, and say 'oh Clive, for goodness sake'. They just need to learn a bit quicker.

Sunday, 2 December 2018

Shadow cat

The new cat that comes into my house is young, but is slowly starting to learn things from me.

I've shown him how to meow in the right tone, for food.

I've shown him how to stare at a human until they do the right thing.

I've taught him how to flap at an object, with his paws, to get attention.

I've taught him how to sit up properly.

I've taught him to spot birds through the window.

He has much to learn, but he will come to know it all, eventually.

Saturday, 1 December 2018

White feets

My humans were having something strange done to the big front door today.

Two other humans used machines on it, then covered it in white stuff.

I tried to get attention from these humans, by rubbing against them, but they didn't respond. I had a sad.

They said something to my usual human about 'wet paint', then left.

I wanted to go outside, so I walked after them, then there was something icky on my paws. It was white.
Everywhere I stepped, I left a mark.

I tried to lick it off, but it tasted horrible, so now I have icky, white paws and I don't know what to do.

I'm not happy. I think I'll go to another human's house and wipe my paws on their floor.

Thursday, 11 October 2018

New flap

I know how to leave my usual house through the flap at the back door.
I know how to paw at the big door at the front, so that my human lets me in.
But I has found a new way to leave the house. I has found a new flap.

To use this flap, I walk across the table, sit on a ledge, then paw, paw, paw at the large flap.
I look round, to see if my human is coming.
If not, I paw, paw, paw at the large flap... then start clawing it.

Eventually, my human says 'Clive! Stop it!', then comes over.
He mutters something about 'destroying the window', then opens the big flap.
I wait, and wait, and wait... then I jump out of the flap, onto the grass.

If I get bored quickly, I claw at the big door.

I like this new flap. I think I'll use it more often.


Sunday, 7 October 2018

Plink Plonk

I has been playing a game.

There's a bush, in my territory, that's covered in little round orange things.
I like to stare at them.
I like to stare at them because they fall off.
I don't know when they'll fall off, but I like to wait... then pounce on them as they fall.

Sometimes they fall one at a time.
Sometimes they fall in plinks and plonks - one after another.

I like it when this happens, as I have to choose which ones to pounce on.

Yesterday, I stared at the orange plink plonks until it got dark... then I went home and meowed for food.


Saturday, 6 October 2018

Pink meaty stuff

It's starting to get cold again, and it's getting darker earlier.
When this happens, my little catty brain tells me to go between different humans more often, and go back to my usual humans more - getting chin tickles and sleeping on laps.

Going to different humans more often means that I go to their food rooms more often - sitting in front of the big, cold, white thing and meowing for food.
I like chicken. I like tuna. I like prawns. I know their human names.
But there's one thing I really like that I didn't know the name of: the thin, pink, meaty stuff.

I didn't know its name... until I heard a human say it: 'ham'.

Now I know what it's called, I've been trying to change my meow to sound like that word.
I stand in front of the
big, cold, white thing and meow 'ham'...'haaaam'.

I don't think I've got the sound right though, as my usual humans just stare at me and say 'you've just eaten, Clive'.

Maybe my attempt at meowing 'ham' is as bad as their attempts at saying 'meow'.
I don't know. I has a confused.

I will keep trying to change my meow until it sounds like 'ham', or - if my humans take too long - 'haaaaaaaam'.