Friday, 18 January 2019

Existential catty thoughts

Today, I looked down at my feets.
I looked down at them for a long time.
I wondered many things:

How did they come to be?

Why are they at the bottom of my legs?

Why are they so furry?

Why are my claws neatly tucked away: why can't they be out all the time?

Why are my front feets different to my back feets?

What would happen if my feets didn't exist?


I sat and thought about this for a long time, then I had an urgent need to lick my side, as it felt dirty.








Wednesday, 16 January 2019

Fuzzy rain

I've been outside quite a bit today, but I don't like it.
I don't like it because there's fuzzy rain.

Fuzzy rain isn't proper rain. It doesn't fall in big drops.
But it still covers me.
It covers my fur in a fine layer of fuzzy water. 
It gets stuck in my whiskers.
It gets up my nose.
It gets in my ears and makes me do catty headshakes.  

I've come inside for a nap, as I'm fed up with the fuzzy rain.
I hope it rains properly soon, or doesn't rain at all.




Sunday, 13 January 2019

All night

I didn't come home and see my humans last night.
I stayed out all night. 
I'm not sure why - I just felt like it.

I sat on fences.
I stared at the sky.
I sniffed walls.
I pounced on leaves on the floor.
I jumped from roof to roof.
I went into two sheds.
I stared at the sky again.
I licked a puddle.

Finally, I came home.
I was very hungry, so I meowed and meowed at my humans.
I wanted ham, but they gave me something in jelly - fish, I think. It was okay.

I enjoyed my night out.   






Friday, 11 January 2019

Teaching sleeping

The other cat in the house is learning more and more from me, each day.

Today, she learnt the true art of napping.

I was modelling the perfect napping position when she jumped onto the humans' bed.
I watched her study me, and learn.

The perfect napping position includes:

Curling your body round in a circle, to keep all your inner bits warm.

Tucking your nose in, so it doesn't get cold.

Tucking your front feets in, both so they're out of the way and so that you look cute to humans, giving access for belly rubs.

Tucking your back feets in, so no human is tempted to touch them.

Keeping your head down, but your ears up, just in case there's any danger/you hear a tin of tuna being opened.


The other cat has more or less understood the correct napping position, but is still learning. With practice, she'll get it just right.





Monday, 7 January 2019

Scratching around

The other cat in my house really has a lot to learn. 
Aside from talking too much, he keeps doing something odd: he keeps scratching this...




















I've tried to show him the way - that there are beds, carpets, doors, and big comfy chairs to scratch... but he keeps going back to this one post.
It's so odd. It's like he thinks it was designed for cats.

I'll keep scratching other things... until I get shouted at by the humans and have to run off.

Friday, 4 January 2019

A million tubes

I was out in my territory, when I spotted something strange - lots and lots and lots of colourful things, all in one spot.
My humans must've been doing something weird.

The colourful things were pink and purple and orange, and nearly all of them were tubes. I had a confused.

I sniffed them and they all smelt the same: they smelt of burning and damp.

I didn't know what they were, but I didn't want any other cat claiming them, so I made sure I sprayed them with wee.

Weird tubes.






Thursday, 3 January 2019

Too many meows

I don't mind the other cat that seems to have moved into my house, but there is one annoying thing about her: she meows too much.

I only meow for specific things:

Ham

Chicken

'I'm hungry' (a more general meow)

'I want attention/affection'

'Open the door/let me outside'

'You're annoying me'

'Ow - that hurts!'

Other than that, I don't meow - I just stare.

This other cat meows all the time, just for the sake of it. Half of the time I can't understand what she's saying. The other day, I'm sure she said 'I want to attack the curtains, as I think they contain the devil'.

She's okay, but cats should use meows sparingly - to actually get something from the humans.