Monday, 30 January 2017

My surface

I went to sit on a table today.
I like this table. The surface is smooth and cool, so it's nice to sit my bum on.

When I got on the table some flappy paper things fell over.
They were in my way, so I pawed them off the table.

I saw more flappy things on the table. They were standing up. They said 'Happy Birthday' on them.

I didn't like them. I knocked them onto the floor, one by one.

I had lots of space.

I sat my bum on the nice table surface.

Thursday, 26 January 2017


I woke up from a nap and something was moving.

I watched it.

It swished left.

It swished right.

I kept watching.

It twitched.

It flapped up and down.

I thought about pouncing on it.

It swished left.

I realised it was my tail.

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Annoying noisy thing

This happens nearly every day...

I'm nice and comfy, sleeping across my human's legs, when this loud noise starts; 'eep eep, eep eep, eep eep'.

My human grumbles, hits a silver thing, and the noise stops.

Not long after, the noise starts again, I'm woken from my sleep, my little ears go up, and my human hits the silver thing again.

This happens about five times, then my human gets up, grumbles a bit more, gives me ear scritches, and - if I follow him - puts out food for me.

I wish he wouldn't let the silver thing make noises.


Sunday, 22 January 2017

What is plank?

I came in through the window near my food bowl.

I walked through the toilet room, meowing loudly for my human, and found him in our sleeping room.

He looked strange.
He was making funny faces, breathing loudly, moving about lots, and his face was all wet.

He was staring at another human, on a big screen, who was also moving about lots.
This human kept shouting sounds like 'squat', 'lunge' and 'jack feet'.
He was surrounded by other humans, all moving about.

My human moved every time the human on the screen shouted something.

I didn't have time for this. I needed attention and I was hungry.

I meowed, and rubbed against my human's legs while he was crouching.

He started moving left and right, so I moved with him - to keep rubbing against his legs.

The human on the screen said 'plank', and my human lay on the floor, slightly lifted up.
This was odd.

I was really hungry now, so I weaved in and out underneath him, pawed at his arm, and headbutted his face.

He lay down completely and said 'for fuck's sake, Clive'.

I headbutted him again.

He got up and put food in my bowl.
I was happy.

His face was still all wet.

Thursday, 19 January 2017


I was outside today, sniffing things.

It was really bright. The big, shiny, round thing was out.

It wasn't warm though.

I looked up at the big, shiny, round thing.
I blinked.

I looked around.
I blinked.

I blinked.

I blinked.

I looked at the big, shiny, round thing.
I blinked.

I napped in a plant pot.

Monday, 16 January 2017

Paw covers

I'm confused.

As it gets light, I often see my human moving around quickly, and then he leaves the house.

Sometimes I watch what he's doing.

I've seen him do this before... he puts long, black, soft things over his feets.

My feets are already black and furry. I don't put anything over them.

I don't understand. Is my human putting feets over his feets?

Saturday, 14 January 2017

Warm things

It's too slushy and cold and icky outside, so I'm staying in for naps.

My human has put the warm things on.
I like this.

I napped under the warm thing in the big room.

I found another warm thing in the big room and napped on the ledge above that.

I went into the food room and napped on the floor next to another warm thing.

Then I napped at the end of human's bed, where there's another warm thing.

I like the warm things.
I has a cosy.

Thursday, 12 January 2017

Icky floor

I needed a wee, so I went outside.

I'd only gone a little way, when I realised my paws felt all weird.

I looked down and the floor was all icky. It was mushy.
My paws were getting stuck in the mushiness.

I had to pull up each paw and shake off the mush.

I didn't like the icky floor, so I went straight back inside and had a wee in my box of stones.

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

Not a mouse

I woke up and thought I saw a mouse on the floor, in the big room.
There was something grey and fluffy.

I slowly got down from the back of the big, comfy chair.

I crept along the ground.

I got right up to the mouse and it didn't move.

I sniffed it. It was some fluff.

I sniffed it again. It went up my nose.

I did a catty-choo.

I did a catty-choo.

I did a catty-choo.

I did a catty-choo.

I did a catty-choo.

The fluff shot out of my nose.

I did a catty headshake and walked away.

Sunday, 8 January 2017

Weird feather thing

My human has gone a bit funny.

I was sleeping and he came over to me with something in his hand.
This thing was long and shiny, and had feathery bits on the end.

I looked up at my human.
He waved the feathery thing at me.

He waved it by my nose and kept saying 'go on, Clive!'

I blinked at him.
I went back to napping.

I think my human thinks I'm a kitten.


Friday, 6 January 2017

New plant

I walked into the big room, and something was different.

I looked around. I sniffed things. I meowed.

I couldn't work out what was different.

Then I saw it... a new plant was in the room.
I like new plants.

I went over to the plant and sniffed it.
Then I rubbed my face on it.
Then I pawed at it.
Then I rubbed myself all over the pot the plant was in.
Then I bit some of the leaves.

My human walked in and said; 'Clive! My new plant! Stop it!'

I bit another leaf.

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Perfect space

My human came home when I was napping on our bed.

He had a big black thing with him. I've seen it before. He always puts stuff in it, then carries it.

This time, he started emptying it.
He took one thing out. Then another. Then another.

As he was emptying it, I noticed that it was the perfect shape and size to nap in.

I was excited.

I meowed at my human to hurry up and empty the black thing.

Finally, it was empty.

I hopped down from the bed, jumped into the black thing, tucked my feets under me, and blinked at my human.

He said 'weird cat', then walked off.

Monday, 2 January 2017


All humans have been very quiet the last two days.

I had naps today.

I napped on my human's bed.

Then I got down, jumped up to my catty bed, and had a nap there.

I got bored of that napping spot, so moved to my space on the back of the big chair.

After that, I moved to the chair in the corner.

My human's bed was comfier, so I went back there to carry on napping.

I like naps.