Sunday, 31 December 2017

Empty space

I am both sad and confused.

There was a table full of things for me to flap at, to get attention - plastic sheets, bits of paper, books, envelopes.
My humans appear to have gone mad (again) and removed all of these things from the table - saying something about 'got people coming round' and 'tidying'.

The table is now bare.
I have limited options in terms of flapping things with my paws.

I have found a plant to bite and headphones to flap at.
These will have to do for now.

I hope my humans put things back on the table.
I cannot live in such conditions.

Saturday, 30 December 2017

Looking up

The humans seem to be going to the food room a lot.
They go to the big white thing, and open the door.
The big white thing is full of food... I can smell it.
I can smell ham.
I can smell cheese.
I can smell chicken.

When they go to the big white thing, I follow them and sit by it.
I look up at it.
I look up at my humans.
I meow for food.

I know there is so much food in there.
My humans should let me have it all.

They keep going over to it.
I keep staring up at it.

I has a catty neck ache.

Wednesday, 27 December 2017

Mad humans

I'm very confused by the behaviour of my humans.
Humans are always a bit weird, but I think mine have gone mad.

They keep saying my name in a high voice, in songs.

They sing things like 'jingle Clive, jingle Clive, jingle alllll the wayyyy', or 'away in a Cliveyyy, no crib for a Cliiiive'.

They also sing 'we wish you a merry Clivey, we wish you a merry Clivey', 'driving home for Clivey', and 'rockin' around the Clivey-chops, have a happy holiday'.

I'm very confused by all of this.
The noises they make are very bad, and make my little ears go back.
I just stare up at the humans, or run away.

I hope they stop being so weird.

Saturday, 16 December 2017

Helping my human

My human was at home yesterday - all day.
This hasn't happened for a while.

I liked it because it meant I got food whenever I asked for it, and some chin tickles.

At one point, I saw that he was struggling with something. He kept putting his hands to his head, or burying his face in his hands - making huffing noises.

I decided to help him.
I went over and sat next to him. I stared at him, then blinked at him. Then I headbutted his arm lots, and wiped my face on it.

This seemed to cheer him up, and he kept saying 'silly Clive'.

I purred, then asked for more food.

Happy to help my human.

Sunday, 10 December 2017

Quiet naps

I has a new napping spot - a secret napping spot.

My humans put clothes on these big tall things, then leave them there.
With all the clothes on them, these tall things have good hiding spaces at the bottom - nice and dark.

I can go there for naps and my humans can't find me, so they can't wake me up with face smooshes, then call me 'cute'.

I like my new, dark, napping, hiding place.

Saturday, 9 December 2017

New plan

If I needed attention from the humans during the night, I had a simple plan - flap at things with my paws, until they woke up.

I could flap at the mat by the door to their napping room.
I could flap at, or claw, the soft floor.
I could claw the bits of soft floor by the doors.

But the humans did this...

Now I cannot flap at the mat or claw the carpet to get attention.

This means that if I has a hungry during the night, or feel the urgent need to have my face stroked, I can't get the humans to do what I want.

But I have a new, very simple, plan.
If I need attention during the night, I simply sit on my human's chest, stare down at him, and wait for him to wake up.
I'm quite heavy, so he usually wakes up and says 'Clive, I can't breathe'.
I purr at him, and dribble.
He says 'idiot', then strokes my face and gives me ear scritches.

I like my new plan.

It works.

Sunday, 3 December 2017

What is it?

My human came into the house with something in a bag.
It smelt of food.
I was interested.

I meowed at him, then followed him with my tail held high - I was excited.

He sat down on the big, comfy chair.
I jumped up onto the chair, and sat next to him - staring.

He pulled the food out of the bag.
I moved closer and reached out with a paw.

My human said 'bugger off, Clive'.

He had the food in his hand.
I moved closer again - sniffing.

He said 'it's a pastry, Clive - you wouldn't be interested'.

I reached out with my paw again.

He let me sniff it.
It didn't smell of meat or fish.
I wasn't interested.

I jumped down from the big, comfy chair
and went upstairs for a nap.

Saturday, 2 December 2017


I was sat by the window, looking out at birds and chattering at them.
I was also next to the big warm thing, which was nice - it made my tail and bum warm.

I was next to the cloth thing, which I've heard my human call 'curtain', when I stepped forward... and suddenly I was in darkness.

I was caught inside the 'curtain'. I was stuck between two bits of cloth.

I thought I'd get stuck there forever.
I flapped and flapped with my paws.
I meowed for my humans to come to me.
I kept flapping.
I thought I'd be trapped forever.
I meowed louder.

Suddenly the 'curtain' lifted, I saw my human's face, and I was free.

He said 'silly cat'.

I meowed at him.

I was happy not to be trapped any more.
I thought I'd be stuck forever.