Sometimes I'm walking along, indoors, and my human will come up to me.
He'll make weird, high pitch noises at me, which is okay... but then he'll lift me up off the floor.
He'll put his arms around me, give me a squeeze, then make 'Mwah! Mwah!' noises on my head ... then put me down on the floor.
When he does this, I has a confused, so I stare up at him and meow - to let him know he's an idiot.
Then I have to do a catty headshake, to get rid of the confusion, and I have to lick myself to get rid of the human smell.
Idiot human.
Sometimes I'm lying down and my human gives me chin tickles, and I enjoy it so much that I tilt my head right back... then I lay on my back.
When I open my eyes, everything looks funny. The world is upside down.
The chairs are upside down.
The doors are upside down.
The things on the walls are upside down.
My human is upside down.
I like lying on my back.
I like to have a wash when I wake up from a nap.
I woke up this morning and licked my side - then I moved to my paws.
I like to lick one paw, then the other - making sure they get the same number of licks.
But I got carried away and licked my right paw too much. I gave it double the amount of licks and forgot about my left paw.
I now have a soggy right paw. It's all icky.
I've had to lay down and leave that paw stretched out, so that it dries... otherwise I can't carry on washing myself.
I shall have a nap while I wait for it to dry.
I like to meow.
I like to meow at walls.
I like to meow at plants.
I like to meow at my human.
I don't like it when my meow is interrupted.
Sometimes I'm mid-meow, and a yawn will take over.
I have no control over this.
It turns my meow into a meyawn.
I don't want to meyawn - I want to meow.
When it's hot, I yawn more, so my meows keep getting interrupted.
Not happy.
I has a hot.
I couldn't do anything today.
All I could do was flomp in different places.
I went outside and flomped on the hard floor.
It got too hot, so I moved to a flower bed and flomped there.
The sun moved again, so I went behind a bush and flomped on the mud.
Then I came inside and flomped on the cold floor.
I got annoyed with the floor and flomped on the big comfy chair.
I got hot again, so I flomped onto my human's bed.
It's been a very flompy day.
When it gets hot, I've noticed that humans do something different... they start eating their food outside.
This is good.
I went to one human's garden and stared at them, and meowed at them, until they dropped some tuna on the floor.
I was happy.
I went to another human's garden and purred, and rubbed against their leg, until they gave me a bit of chicken.
I was happy.
I went to another human's garden, and they were cooking meat on a big, hot thing. I meowed at them until they gave me some.
I was happy.
I came back to see my human and he was outside, eating some green stuff and some fish. I could smell it. I meowed at him, and pawed at his leg. He dropped some fish. It was salmon.
I was happy.
I like it when the humans eat outside.
I has a hot.
My human flomped into a chair outside.
I flomped onto the floor next to him.
I blinked at him.
He blinked at me.
I blinked at him.
He blinked at me.
I noticed that his skin was leaking.
There were drops of water running down his face, and some on his arms.
I don't know why this is.
He kept wiping the drops off.
Maybe he washed himself lots?
I licked my paw for a bit, but it was too much effort.
I lay on my side.
I was wandering around the house today.
I jumped onto the back of the big, comfy chair, then I hopped onto the window ledge.
I walked along it until I got to a new bit of ledge, then I spotted something... some new, little pots. My human must've put them there.
I pawed one. It was very light. It moved.
I pawed it again.
I didn't like the pots on the ledge - they were in my way.
I pawed the big one a few times. It fell off the ledge.
I pawed the middle one a few times. It fell off the ledge.
I pawed the small one twice. It fell off the ledge.
Everything felt much better. I had more room.
My human was looking for me this morning.
He called me, so I ran away because I was feeling a bit silly.
I ran into the big room and went behind the big, comfy chair.
I hid there. My human would never find me. I could then run out and surprise him.
I stayed behind the chair.
I stayed behind the chair.
I stayed behind the chair.
I stayed behind the chair.
I stayed behind the chair.
I had a nap.
I like sitting on humans and getting attention.
I really like walking on humans when they're on a bed - getting lots of fuss, ear scritches, and chin tickles, then curling up for a nap on them.
When I'm walking on humans and I'm really happy, I show this by pushing up and down on them with my paws.
I do this on their chests, as this is a soft bit.
I've noticed something strange though... female humans are nicer to push up and down on with my paws... they have squishier chests than male humans.
I don't know what the reason is, but this is why I prefer doing my up-and-down-paw happy dance on female humans.
My human fed me when he got up this morning.
He put some cod in jelly in my bowl.
I looked at the bowl, then I looked up at him to let him know there wasn't enough in my bowl yet.
He put some more cod in jelly in my bowl. This was better.
He also put some chickeny biscuits on top of the cod in jelly.
I started eating. It was nice.
Suddenly I ran out of jelly on the cod, as I'd licked it all off, and there weren't enough biscuits left. The mix of cod to biscuits was all wrong. This was really bad. I couldn't carry on eating.
I went to look for my human.
I walked into the sleeping room and meowed. No human.
I walked into the big room and meowed. No human.
I walked into the food room... and my human was there. I stared at him and meowed. I meowed again. I meowed urgently.
He got up.
I meowed at him again.
He came over to me.
I turned around and started running back towards my food bowl.
He followed me.
I ran faster.
He caught up with me.
I sat by my food my bowl.
I meowed at him.
I meowed at him again.
He put some more cod in jelly in my bowl, and some more biscuits.
The mix was right.
I was happy again.
I has a hot.
My black fur gets very warm.
I had naps behind and under lots of bushes, but still had a hot.
I went for a wander in my territory.
I jumped over two fences to see some of the humans to the right of my human.
They said 'hi'.
I blinked at them.
Then I saw that they had really thought about how warm I was. They had a big, flappy thing at the top of a pole. It made lots of shade - perfect for a hot cat with black fur.
I walked towards the shade, blinked at the humans again, then flomped onto the floor and had a nap under the big flappy thing.
Helpful humans.
The humans next door has a new thing for birds. It hangs from a hook, has bits of food in, and birds keep landing on it - sparrows, finches, tits.
I like this food thing.
It's very high up, and my paws don't quite reach it, so I sat underneath it and stared up at the birds. I had a hungry.
I watched them and watched them.
I chattered at them.
It was hot.
I couldn't reach the birds.
I had a nap under the food thing.
