I has noticed something when watching my human eat in the food room.
He eats out of some kind of bowl (although it doesn't look the same as my bowl), but he doesn't eat by putting his mouth straight into the food and chewing.
He does something weird instead. He holds something in his paw, puts it into his food, then brings the thing to his mouth with the food on it.
This makes no sense. It's a huge waste of energy. Why would you use something to bring food up to your face, when you could just put your face into the food?
Humans are so weird.
I've been out today.
It's windy.
It's wet.
There are brown leaves on the floor.
These brown leaves are wet.
They've gone all smooshy.
I don't like these leaves.
They're not good for stepping on.
They get stuck to my paws.
They're all slippery and slimey.
I can't run on them.
I don't like them.
They're the wrong kind of leaves.
I was in the toilet room I sometimes share with my human.
In the corner of the toilet room is a round thing which my human often throws things into and leaves them there.
I could smell something coming from the round thing.
I went over and sniffed it.
I could smell prawns!
I pawed at the round thing. It had a plastic bag in it, which rustled.
I clawed at the round thing.
I jumped up and put both paws on the round thing. It fell over.
Everything inside the round thing went onto the floor.
I pawed at it all. I sniffed - looking for the prawns.
The smell of prawns got stronger and stronger.
I found the source!
It was a packet that said 'prawns' on it... but it had no prawns in.
I had a sad.
I licked the packet for the prawn taste, then left it on the floor.
I had a nap.
My human got something pink and green - it has bits on it that move.
He has tried to put it on me.
He said 'you'll like it Clive, it's a cat massager'
He put it on my neck and it felt horrible, so I moved backwards.
He tried to put it on my face, but it pushed back my whiskers. I bit it.
He tried to put it on my back, so I ran off.
Idiot human.
I was outside and saw that my human was pouring water all over his vroom, then rubbing a yellow thing on it which made lots of little bubbles, and made the vroom look shiny.
Then he rubbed a cloth all over it, which took off all the water and made it even more shiny.
My human stood back and looked tired, but quite happy.
He said 'hey Clive', and I meowed at him.
He gave me an ear scritch and patted my head, then he went inside.
I wandered over to his vroom.
It looked nice, but it had no catty scent - it didn't smell of me.
I went to the front of the vroom, pointed my bum at it, and sprayed it with wee.
I sniffed it.
Much better.
I hope my human is pleased with my efforts.
My other humans turned off the thing that said 'Aga', so I left the warms and came back to see my usual human.
He was in his bed, so I jumped on and demanded food.
I then came back to the bed, walked to the middle of it, licked my bum for a bit, and had a nap on my human's legs.
He grumbled a bit, but I was comfy, and that's the main thing.
I enjoy being with my humans, but I also like my other humans that I visit.
I has been with my human for most nights since it got colder, but ... I crossed the big road to see my other humans, got lots of attention, jumped onto a table... and I was so nice and warm.
Why was I so warm?
Where were the lovely warms coming from?
I looked behind me and there was a big thing which said 'Aga' on it. That's where the warms came from.
I like this Aga thing.
I has stayed with my other humans a lot.
I may stay here a bit longer.
I like headbutting my human and rubbing my face on him. It's important that he smells of me.
Occasionally, as a treat, I also do something that I normally only do with other cats - I rub noses with my human.
I like this. It means I trust him... and want food.
Sometimes he tries to rub noses when I'm not in the mood.
I think he thinks he's a cat.
I came in last night, and my human had the talky thing to his ear.
He seemed very excited... maybe a bit angry.
He kept saying things like 'insurance', and 'shocking customer service', and 'I'd like to resolve this'.
I'm not sure what this meant, but I hopped onto the bed to greet him, and get ear scritches, as that's where he was sat.
He wasn't paying me much attention though, apart from a quick pat on the head.
He seemed to be staring at bits of paper. They said 'policy document' and 'DVLA' on them.
I had the whole bed to sit on.
I decided to sit on the bits of paper that my human was staring at, as these seemed to have his attention.
He said 'not now, Clive', pulled the bits of paper from underneath me, and put them somewhere else on the bed.
I walked over to the bits of paper and sat on them again.
I blinked at my human.
He said 'stop it, Clive'.
I purred and rubbed my face on his arm.
I have a favourite corner, when I'm indoors. It's warm, it's cosy, the light hits it at the right angle, and it smells right.
I like napping in that corner.I like napping on the big, soft chair that's there.
The chair seemed to be different recently. The soft bit seems darker, it smells strange... but it's still in my favourite corner.
My human keeps doing something annoying though. Every time I'm asleep, he picks me up, moves me, and says something about 'not on the new chair'.
What is 'new chair'?
Why does he keep moving me?
Idiot human.
