I might try this...

I like to come home for food at night, and then go and see my human.

He's nearly always sleeping when I do this. I don't understand why humans only sleep in the dark: daytime is perfect for naps.

Anyway, when he's asleep I like to walk up his body and onto his head, then sit there for a bit. His head is quite warm, so it's comfy.
Sometimes he moans a bit, or moves about, but I don't mind this. When he's finished moving about, I'll often just curl up on his head and go to sleep.

I've only ever done this when he's lying down, so I realised I'd truly come across my catty hero when I saw this:

 

I really want to try running up my human, and sitting on his head while he's standing. It looks like fun.

He isn't a female human and he doesn't wear that thing - in the video - round his head, but I think I could still manage to sit on him.

The next time he is brushing his teeth, I think I'll give it a try. I'll let you know how I get on.

Kill! Oh...

I had a disappointing morning.

I was hiding in some bushes, when I saw a sparrow across the garden.
It kept moving, on the spot, backwards and forwards in the wind.

I kept my eyes on it, got down low - nearly on my belly - and walked to where I could get a better view through the bushes.

I managed to crawl to some plant pots, unseen, and crouch down behind them.

The bird stayed in the same place.

I kept my eyes on it and swished my tail - getting ready.

I put all my weight on my front paws, pushing my chest and head forward.

Now was the time...

I launched myself, ready for the kill!

I reached the sparrow before it even had time to look up. It didn't move.

I went into a catty death roll with it, bunny kicking it with my back claws.

It didn't struggle.

It didn't struggle because it wasn't a sparrow. It was a dead leaf.

I stopped bunny kicking.

I looked around, licked my shoulder, then came home and ate some biscuits.

I am now going to have a long nap to forget about that leaf.



Not a sparrow...

Unlucky bird

There is a bird I often see. It's black and white. It makes me, and some of my catty friends, a little nervous.

If we see one of these birds, it means that we will get some bad catty luck.

If we see two of these birds, it means that we will get some good catty luck.

If we see three of these birds, it means we'll have a clean litter tray when we get home.

If we see four of these birds, it means chicken for dinner.

This morning I saw just one of these birds. Not good. Shortly after that, I tried to jump over a fence. It took 12 attempts.

I then chased a Starling and got stuck in some mud. It went all over my paws. I'm still cleaning it from between my claws.

When I got home, some water had gotten onto my biscuits and they were all soggy.

Not happy. Please avoid seeing just one of these birds where you can.

In December?

A fly!

A fly!

A fly!

A fly!

A fly!

A fly!



Yum!

Why all the running around?

I settled down, about an hour ago, for a nice, cosy nap.

I was on my human's bed (which is my bed, really... as is any chair, sofa windowsill, doorway), on a pillow, happily dribbling on my front paws, when my human starts running past me, backwards and forwards.

He kept lifting things up and looking underneath them, or just chucking them up in the air, and saying 'for fuck's sake'.
I'd hear him shouting, and moving things around, in other rooms.

I'm not sure what he was up to, but he was disturbing my nap. I wasn't happy.

Eventually, he came up to me (I purred, expecting some attention) and rudely lifted me up, shouting 'for fuck's sake - there it is! Three missed calls - thanks Clive!' 

He then walked off, holding something to his ear. I don't know what it was, but I was annoyed that he'd woken me up. I'm going to stand on his lap and point my bum at his face, later.

Is this food?

Whenever I see my human go into the food room (I think I've heard him say 'kit-chin'), I know that he may well be passing me with something to eat in a while.

Normally, he'll walk past and already have food to his mouth. This confirms that I need to get up from my nap, stretch, then walk over and stare at him.

Sometimes I'll jump up on the table at which my human is sat, and stare at him even more.

Something confuzzles me, though. Sometimes my human will have what looks like food, but it doesn't smell like food... or it just smells weird.
I've seen him with this strange yellow thing in his hand. It has some kind of skin on, which he peels. I'll wander over and meow to show that I'd like to sniff it, but when I sniff it, it doesn't smell tasty, so I walk off.
I've also seen him with a round, green thing with a stalk at the top. This also doesn't smell that tasty.

What are these things? Are they food? If they are, then why don't they smell of it?
Very strange...

Please try to understand

Humans - I often find myself frustrated by your inability to understand the meaning behind individual meows. Could you please take note of the following:

'Meow' - this means 'hi' and may be followed by us rubbing against your legs... if you're not too far away.

'Meow' - we're just thinking out loud. There is no need to give us attention, ruffle our head, or do anything else.

'Meowwwww' - If there's no catflap, this means 'let me in, it's cold/rainy/the wrong type of wind'

'Meowwwwwww' - 'I'm hungry and in urgent need of food... now!'

'Meowwwwwwwwwwww' - 'What's wrong with you? Did you not just hear me ask for food?'

'Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' - 'If I don't receive food within the next five seconds, I may die'

'Meowww' - 'I want to play'

'Meowwwww' - 'I want to play for a bit, then claw your hand to bits'


There are many more meows, but these ones are the most important. Please pay attention to them.

Other cats?

My human came home yesterday and tried to nuzzle my belly and stroke my head... but I became suspicious. He smelt of other cats.

I had a good sniff of his hands (and, later, his legs), and I picked up three different scents. One was definitely a tabby scent.

I wasn't happy. I let my human know this with a few grumbling meows, then I turned round - pointing my bum towards his face - before jumping down from my chair and walking off.

He tried to call me over, a bit later, and tried to get me to sit on his lap, but I ignored him and just cleaned my paws.

I was going to carry on ignoring him, but I heard him opening a tin of tuna and decided to be nice to him again.

I don't like being cat-cheated on, though. I won't forget this in a hurry.


How I felt...

I got 99 problems but an itch ain't one

Humans - how do you get rid of itches?

I've had a look at how you're set up and I can't work it out. How do you get your legs to the back of your ears?

I had itches yesterday. I rubbed myself against every door frame and that helped for a bit.
Then I rubbed myself against my human. I think he thought I was being affectionate. I wasn't. I just wanted to get rid of my itches.

A little bit later - after a nap - I had itches behind my ear. I had to use all of my catty might to pull my back leg up and have a good old scratch until the itches went away.
My human then took over. He scratched my ears until I fell asleep. This was nice. No more itches.

Human on a screen

I has been out for a few days. I found a lady human who has nice prawns. They came in a plastic thing that said 'M & S organic, Honduran prawns'. I'm not sure what this means but it sounded nice and the prawns tasted good.

I got a bit bored with this lady human, so came home last night.

When I came in, my human was doing something strange, but I wanted his attention immediately. I wanted - and deserved - some affection and food. He was busy, though.

He was speaking to another human on a flat screen. I didn't fully understand. I could hear and see this other human, but she wasn't in the room.
My human was also on the screen, even though I was sitting with him.

I realised he was looking towards something, and that thing put him on the screen, so I went to it and sniffed it. Then I gave it a catty headbutt. Then I turned round and showed it my bum, and swished my tail for a bit.

The female human on the screen made lots of funny noises like 'aaah Clive!' and 'helloooo Clive!'
I decided to sniff the screen again.

After a while, my human picked me up (I was having fun, so this annoyed me a bit) and put me down at the end of the bed.
His legs were warm so I fell asleep on them. I was happy.

Slurps

I has seen a cat on the internet. His name is Oscar. His human leaves a glass of water out for him.

Sometimes my human leaves glasses of water around, but my face is too fluffy for me to get my head into them.

He also leaves me a bowl of water next to my food. This is stupid. As a cat, I don't like my water that close to my food. It's always the wrong temperature too, and I don't like the bit of floor on which the bowl sits - it's too shiny.

I have better places to go for a drink, outside. There are two puddles I always go to. They taste nice.
There's also an empty plant pot that someone has left outside their house. This is my second favourite place to drink from.

If it hasn't rained for a bit, a house a few doors away has a small pond at the front - I go there for a drink.
I once licked a fish by mistake. It didn't taste good. It wasn't tuna.

I'm going out now.

My leg

I've had a few problems this morning.

I've been trying to nap, but one of my back legs won't behave.
It keeps sneaking forward as I stretch out, so I've had to bite it a few times... then lick it, to clean where I've bitten.

Sometimes it sneaks forward, I bite it, then it starts bunny kicking... then the other back leg starts bunny kicking.

In the end, it got on my nerves so much that I jumped up, attacked it, rolled over, then wandered off.
I didn't want to sleep anyway....

I have now found a pen to chase.

What's wrong with my human?

I've had quite a tricky day, so far. I think there's something wrong with my human.

He has been lying down all day, and keeps making sniffing sounds. I'm wondering if he's looking for chicken.

It's a bit weird - he's surrounded by balls of white paper and is also making the same sound I do when I bring up a furball.

I have kindly curled up on his feet for most of the day, but am now getting hungry.

I have tried nibbling his toes, but no response.

I've sat on his neck for a bit, but this did nothing.

Catty headbutts to his face haven't woken him.

A few paw-swipes and claws to the face have only caused him to say 'urgh'.

I'm not sure what to do. I might starve.

Does anyone know what's wrong with my human?

Big growling thing

I'm a good cat to my human.

I always curl up on his head to keep him warm at night, I rub against his legs to let him know that I own him, I shred any bits of paper that I think he doesn't need, and I tidy up food for him.

I also like to greet him when he comes home - mainly because I'm hungry.

There's something I don't understand. I hear him coming towards home in this thing that growls. Sometimes its eyes are on fire. I think it's called a car. I've seen them before, but moving much quicker than this.

To show my human how happy I am to see him, I run in front of this thing as it comes right up to home, then I sit down, ready to have my head patted and my ears scratched.
My human doesn't seem to understand this, and the thing just growls and growls, louder and louder.
I don't want growls, I want chin tickles and belly rubs.

In the end, I always have to stop sitting in front of the thing and run to the side. My human then moves further forward and the thing stops growling.

After that, I can rub my human's legs to claim what's mine and meow and meow until I get fed.

I quite like my human. He's okay.

Mmmm, tuna.

Cleaning issues

I've never seen my human, or any other human, clean themselves properly.

I've seen my human stand under lots of water, but I don't know how he can clean all of his parts in this way.

If you really want to wash yourself, you need to use your tongue. How else can you stretch your legs out properly and clean them all the way to the end?
Humans are so odd.

I cleaned myself last night, but something happened which I wish humans or other cats would tell me about: I forgot to put my tongue away.

This makes me look a bit silly. It also meant that, when I saw my favourite lady cat, the first thing I said to her was 'meowth'.

Can someone please tell me the next time I leave my tongue out?

Windy

It's windy outside. I don't like wind.

I was on the prowl, looking for some starlings and the pretty Persian next door.

The wind kept pushing my whiskers back, which I don't like. When I tried to walk forwards, all my fur was being pushed back.
Then a big leaf hit me in the face. I had to do a big head shake to recover, then lick my paw to look graceful.

I wandered over to my favourite scratching tree, but some more leaves followed me and hit my back legs. I thought I was being attacked so I ran across the garden, then stopped to lick my other front paw.

I tried to jump over the fence, to see if my pretty Persian was about, but when I got to the top the wind was too strong and I fell over the other side.
When I came back inside, I had mud and bits of tree stuck in my fur.

I wasn't happy, so I went to my litter tray and spread the litter all over the bathroom.

This made me feel much better.

I am now going for a nap.

Thanks human

I came in from hunting last night (all the meeces are sleeping, it was boring) and decided that I needed a wash.

I curled up on my favourite cushion, and started carefully cleaning my fur...

Tail first: flatten down the end, then lick up to the base.

Next, I cleaned my bum, lifting one leg carefully over my head.

After this, I cleaned my back legs - gnawing a tricky patch in the middle of one of them.

I then moved on to the side of my body, being careful to tuck my front paws in, followed by my belly.

Next, I carefully cleaned my shoulder and as much of my neck as I could reach.

I turned my attention to my front paws, cleaning the furry parts, then the pads, then - one by one - nibbling between my claws (bits of mud and meeces always get stuck there).

Finally, I licked my right front paw and used it to rub my face, and my ears, clean.

I was very pleased with my work.

Then my human came along, blew a raspberry on my belly, and - before I could claw his face - ruffled the fur on my side and stroked my head.

Stupid human. I had to start cleaning myself all over again...

It's been a good day

Today I scratched my favourite tree, then had a nap in the autumn sun.

I decided to come indoors for a bit, and went to my favourite cushion for another nap.

My human came into the room.

I blinked slowly at him.

He blinked back at me.

I blinked at him again.

He blinked slowly at me.

I blinked back at him.

He blinked at me.

I blinked at him once more.


...I then got up to have some chicken biscuits.

Humans: how to get on better

I've seen that sometimes humans don't get on. Sometimes you shout at each other. Also, when I look at the things humans read, I see lots of humans angry with other humans.

I think I've worked it out. You don't know how to greet each other properly. I've seen you grab each other's paws, or put your mouths to each other's faces, but this clearly doesn't work well enough.

What you need to do is this:

When you first meet, you need to get onto all fours. I know this isn't natural for humans, but you'll just have to try it.

You don't have tails, so you'll just have to wiggle your bums from side to side for a bit, while you size each other up.

Then you have to arch your back a bit, while you're still unsure.

After this you each have to let out a little whining meow or, as humans, you can use an extended 'hi'... 'hiiiiiiiiiii'

Next you have to circle each other, while keeping eye contact.

Finally, you can head towards one another, drop your heads slightly, and rub noses. You may purr if you wish.


If you follow these steps, humans, I guarantee that you'll get on much better.

Exhausting

It was raining last night so I loudly sang the song of my people at the back door until my human let me in.

He tried to wipe my paws, which he knows I don't like, so I shook out the rain in my fur all over him.

I realised I hadn't marked everything with my scent recently, and when I sniffed some chairs, they didn't smell of me. This is bad. I own these things.

I had to set off round my home, marking everything again. I rubbed against all table legs, an armchair, a sofa, a plant pot, four doors, and I had to headbutt a coffee table.

By the time I'd finished I was exhausted, so I had some biscuits and a nap. I may have dribbled.

I got a bit bored...

I got a bit bored last night, while my human was sleeping. I did try running around for a bit, pouncing on shadows and bunny kicking a couple of plastic bags, but this didn't last.

Then I spotted something that I've seen you humans use. I think it's called a 'phone'. It was next to my human, on the bed.
I pawed and swiped at it, then a screen came up and there was an image of a very handsome, black cat on it. I realised that this was an image of me.

I pawed the phone again, and it made a strange sound, and the image of my face was recorded on the phone.
I've seen pictures like this online. Humans call them 'selfies'.
So, I must've been taking cat selfies, or 'catties'.
I'm so clever ... and handsome.

Here are my attempts at taking 'catties':

What has happened to my human?

I've been out all night, hunting and meeting lady cats, and have just come in.

I went to find my human, immediately: I was hungry and I needed some attention.

I found him on his bed, but something isn't quite right. I have tried nose-nudging his face, sticking my cold nose in his ear, pawing him, and meowing right next to him, and I've had no response. He's just face down, lying still. I did manage to get an 'mmmm' from him, but that's it.

He smells funny too. He smells of food, drink, and smoke.
He also smells of other cats. I can detect three different cat scents. I'm not happy with this. I may have to shred a book to show how unhappy I am.

For now, I will try to see if I can hold off starvation, while my human remains unresponsive. Actually, I'll just have a nap.

 

Belly rubs

I like belly rubs. They're nice. They make me feel all fuzzy.

Humans need to be better at reading cat signals when it comes to belly rubs, though.

If I am having sleeps and a human walks in, I will sometimes open my eyes, roll onto my back, tuck my front paws in, and look cute: this indicates that you should now rub my belly (although I look cute whether I'm doing this or not).

When you approach, I may let out a little meow to say 'go ahead - rub my belly'.
A gentle belly rub is nice, and I'll show this through purring, closing my eyes, and tucking my paws in a bit more. I may dribble, as well.

However, humans, you need to know when it is time to stop.
Sometimes I will allow you three or four rubs, but this is all I want. If you carry on, I will have to bring my claws together, and my teeth - and attack your hand.

Sometimes, you're not quite rubbing the correct spot. This is annoying and will also result in clawing and biting.

Sometimes I'll think 'oooh, prey' - mistaking you for a mouse or bird - and bunny kick the life out of your hand.

Sometimes I just change my mind, after a couple of rubs, and realise that I didn't really want a belly rub. This will lead to biting.

I do like belly rubs, but humans must learn to read catty signals better.

That is all.

Mmmm, tasty green thing

My human is odd. I think I've mentioned this before.

He keeps lots of plants indoors, even though there are lots of plants outdoors. This makes no sense to me.

Many of these indoor plants are too high for me to reach, or I can only reach them by scattering books and DVDs all over the place... which causes my human to shout and make my delicate ears twitch.

Some of these plants are on low shelves or - even better - on the floor. This is handy.

Sometimes, after food, I feel a bit sick and need to eat bits of plant to make me feel better.
Sometimes, I just want to chew something and a plant is the nearest chewable thing.
Sometimes the plant annoys me, if its long dangly leaves prod me in the face, so I bite it as revenge.

Here is my favourite chewy plant:






















One of the leaves prodded my ear yesterday, so I attacked it.

My human wasn't happy.

He keeps turning the plant round, to save some of the leaves. This is good, as I get to even them all out to the same length.

I've just seen a butterfly, outside. 
Bye.

A busy afternoon

I was inside for a bit, and bored, so I decided to claw my human's bed.

My human shouted at me. I didn't like this, so let him know with a sharp meow, and by turning my back on him and showing him my bum.

I then went into another room and chased some shadows and bits of dust for a bit. I accidentally skidded into a table, which made a noise so my human came in and shouted 'Clive! What's wrong with you?'
I didn't have an answer, so I licked my shoulder.

My human then opened the door for me. I was feeling full of energy, so I ran outside.

I sat on some grass, then - without warning - I had a catty brain spasm and ran across the grass, to the other side, for no particular reason. It was fun though. When I got there, I stopped and licked my paw.
A few minutes later, I had another catty brain spasm, and ran back across the grass again, then stopped.

I then noticed that a nearby tree had leaves falling off it, so I sat underneath it and stared up at it for an hour.

I have now come back inside and will be having a nap. It's been a busy afternoon.

What is wrong with you humans?

I like human company, but only when I fancy it, not all the time.

If I want food, then human company is ideal. If it is raining and I need to get inside quickly, then human company is good.
If I need a warm lap to curl up in, or just a warm body that I can sleep on top of, then human company is handy.

The deal is that my human should be honoured by my presence, and - in return - he should feed me, provide me with warm places to sleep, let me shred things, and stroke me as and when I feel it's necessary.

What I don't ask for, is unwanted attention.

Sometimes I'll be sleeping - chasing fields full of meeces, in my dreams - and my human will come up to me and blow raspberries on my belly, making a 'vooooooooo' sound, then running off.
I'm usually in a deep enough sleep that I can't claw his face off in time, before he gets away.
This is annoying, as I have to stretch, then find my perfect sleeping position again, which can take several seconds.

At other times, my human will come up to me (again, usually while I'm resting) and put his mouth on my head, making a 'mwah' sound. I have no idea what this is about, but it's irritating.
I usually have to shake my head a bit after he's done this.

He'll also come up to me, at random, and just say 'hellooooooo', in a silly high-pitch voice.
I can read and write English - I just can't speak it - so I know what 'hello' means. Why does he say it to me in a stupid voice? I haven't heard him talk to humans like that.

Sometimes he won't even speak English - he'll just make sounds like 'oo-be-do-be-do-bee', and pat my head. What does this mean?

He even tries to speak cat to me every now and then, with a 'meow'. He can't pronounce it properly though. Sometimes I meow back at him, to show him the right way to say it, but he just doesn't seem to learn.

I have come across enough humans now, to know that it's not just my human who is weird in this way, so I have to ask: humans, what's wrong with you?

I haz cheese

I don't get humans. You leave yums lying around and get angry when they're eaten.

I was pretending to be asleep on a chair when my human went past me, carrying something that made my nose twitch and my ears go up.

Human started eating the thing he was carrying. This meant it was food. I like food.

Human made a 'tut' noise, got up, and walked away from his food.

He walked past me, and I shut my eyes tight and breathed a little slower.

I saw him disappear into the food room, where he seems to make all of his yums, so I quickly sat up, stretched, jumped down from my chair, then jumped onto the table.

Human had left his yums unguarded. I sniffed it and it was bread, with cheese in between.
Cheese! I really like cheese. Cheese is good.

I had a little nibble of the bread, but the cheese was too good to resist. I grabbed a piece between my teeth and started pulling it out from between the bread.

I nearly had the whole piece of cheese in my mouth, when human came running in - now carrying a drink - and shouted 'oi!'
I panicked and tried to run off with the cheese, but didn't get the whole piece - I had to leave some behind.

I heard human shout 'Clive!', after me, so I hid in another room and munched my cheese. Happy.

I don't understand though - why do you humans leave things like cheese around, if you don't want me to eat it? Strange.

Let me sleep

I was a bit bored of my human, today, so I popped into the next garden and wandered into my other human's house.

This human has two cats herself, but they're a bit scared (of both humans and other cats), so I don't see them that often. They do leave food behind though. I always think it's a shame to leave food, so I eat anything they leave. This was the case today.

Once I was full (not a big fan of the biscuits this human gets, but I ate them anyway) I went to find the human of the house.
She was sat on a chair and she looked nice and warm, so I meowed, jumped on her, and curled up in her lap.

Unfortunately, she was a bit selfish and kept moving. I had to get up several times, walk in a circle for a bit, then curl up again. It's hard work finding the perfect sleeping position.
In the end, she was so fidgety that I got up, stretched, and walked off.

I headed outside and went to the humans on the opposite side from the human I'd just left.
They don't have any cats, so they don't leave any food out. This annoys me a bit, but they do sometimes offer me bits of chicken and they give decent chin tickles.

I found one of the humans, again, sitting on a chair. I jumped up and gave him some friendly headbutts, then spun round a bit, before settling into a nice, comfy nap.
Yet again, this human was fidgety. At one point they got up and plonked me on the seat they'd just left. This is not what I asked for. I wanted a warm lap.

Eventually I wandered home and found my human watching a big screen. I hopped onto him, purred a bit, and settled on his lap, hoping that he'd be kind enough to stay still.
He kept shifting and stretching though, and he wasn't stroking my ears enough. I sometimes wonder why I bother with him.
I heard him say something about 'toilet', then he rudely got up, ruined my nap, and put me to one side.
When he came back, he tried to get me back onto his lap. Not a chance. I decided to curl up on another chair, with my tail wrapped firmly around my nose.

Humans: you can be so selfish sometimes.

The door

Hunting was a little boring the other night. I accidentally pounced on a lot of leaves and shadows. Had to pretend to clean myself, each time - just in case somebody saw.

I did manage to catch a starling, as it got light, but it didn't put up much of a fight, so not much fun to be had there - just a mouth full of feathers.
It made a lot of fuss too. I like my kills to be quieter.

Anyway, after a nap, I got up, had a wander round, ran after some dust, then decided I wanted to pop outside.
Human was by the door to the outside, but not paying enough attention, so I gave my best 'let me out' meow and started pawing at the door - this was an emergency, I needed to go out.

Human sighed, and pushed the door open. I sat and looked. I looked left. I looked right. The air didn't quite feel right though, so I turned round and walked away from the door.
Human made a 'tut' noise and I went to check on my food bowl.

A little while later, I wanted to go outside again. I let human know, once more, of the urgency of this situation, pawing frantically at the door. He opened it a bit and I strained my neck to see what was going on outside. I put a paw out, then brought it back in again.... there was a funny smell. I don't know what it was, but I didn't like it, so I meowed and walked away from the door.
Human made a noise. It sound like 'for ducks zake'. I don't know what this means.

I got bored again after a while, so went back to the door. Human wasn't paying much attention, so I jumped onto the table, where he seemed to be writing something. I meowed, headbutted his arm, then bit his hand.
He looked at me, so I jumped off the table and pawed at the door again. Human shook his head at me, but opened the door.
I poked my whiskers out, and felt a very fine rain. It made my nose wrinkle. This is my least favourite type of rain.
Human pushed my bum with his foot, to move me outside. I didn't like this, so I let out a squeaky meow and ran off to another room.

I decided to stay in for a bit. Although I may go out again, later. I'm not sure yet.

Type. Sniff. Meow. Hunt.

I was bored last night. My human was asleep and kept moving, so I decided to start my own blog.
 
I tried sleeping on his feet, but he kept moving. I tried sleeping between his legs, but he moved again. Then I tried sleeping on his head, but he got all fidgety. I didn’t see why he should be asleep while I was awake, so I found something that said ‘Evening Standard’ across the top, and started shredding it to bits.
This woke him up, so I headbutted him in the face and requested food. Several more headbutts didn’t seem to get him up, so I sang the song of my people for a bit. Still no joy.

I decided to wander round the room instead. I sniffed something on the floor, but it wasn’t chicken. I found something that was ticking. I put a paw on it and a light came on, so I sniffed it. It wasn’t chicken. I pawed it a few more times though. I quite liked the light.

Now I was really bored, so I decided to go out for a wander and see if there were any autumn meeces left to kill. I did well last night - caught two. One of them was a clean kill, the other was a bit messy. I still had a few bits of mouse guts round my chops when I came in and licked my human’s ear yesterday morning.

I’ll see how my hunt goes. I shall report back on my findings…