I had a sad. I hurted my bum bone and I wasn't happy.
I tried to let my human know about this, with sad meows and being annoyed when he picked me up. My hurty bum also made me walk funny.
My human - eventually - realised something wasn't right. Idiot.
He took me to the catty doctor. I don't like the catty doctor.
The catty doctor let me walk about a bit, but I didn't like this. Everything smelt weird. She felt my sides, my belly, then my tail and bum... which was really ouch and made me get angry and go all bitey. Idiot human.
She put something cold up my bum, which also made me go bitey.
Then she put something sharp in my neck... and everything went all nice, and warm, and fuzzy... mmmmm.
My human took me home in the big box and I was happy. I still felt all nice, and fuzzy, and sleepy, and dribbley.
I blinked lots at my human. I had a happy. I had a sleepy. Mmmmmmmm.
I sometimes poo in my poo tray, which is full of stones, but I prefer to poo outside.
But... I've only ever seen my human poo in the big white thing that he sits on. I'm not sure where the poo goes. There must be little stones at the bottom of the big white thing, like the ones in my tray.
I've never seen my human poo outside though. Surely he can't just poo on the white thing - that would be odd.
Maybe he only poos outside when I'm not around. Strange.
I came in through the window, meowed to my human, then went to see him.
He was near our bed, sitting on the floor - surrounded by strange objects, rolls of coloured paper, sticky plastic stuff, and shiny bows.
He kept taking objects, rolling out paper so it was flat, then putting the objects on the paper. I've seen him do this before, at the same time of year.
I like this paper. It's crinkly. It makes funny noises when I walk on it. It's nice to sit on.
I went over to where my human had rolled out some paper, headbutted his arm, then sat on the paper.
He said 'Clive, I'm trying to wrap stuff'.
I didn't understand, so I blinked at him.
He picked me up and moved me off the paper. I had a sad.
I licked my bum for a bit, waited for him to roll out more paper, then went over and sat on it.
My human said 'Clive, stop it'. I purred, then rubbed my face on his leg.
He moved me again. I had another sad.
Then I spotted some shiny bows and lay down on them.
I spotted a spider on the toilet room ceiling, 20,000,000 catty days ago. I stared at it, hoping it would come down so that I could have a nice, crunchy snack. It didn't come down.
I came back over the next few days and stared at it. It didn't come down.
I kept coming back and staring at it. It didn't come down.
My human came into the toilet room and said 'Clive, why are you staring at a corner?' I meowed my frustration at him, asking him to get the spider down for me. He said 'awwwww', and patted me on the head. Idiot human.
I has come back today to stare at it. I don't think it'll ever come down. I has a sad.
I saw my human do something odd this morning. He put a fluffy thing over his head, so that it also covered his ears. I've seen other humans do this, too.
This must be to give him ear warms.
I don't understand. My ears are always warm as I has fur on them. Why don't humans just grow fur on their ears? Why don't they grow their head fur over their ears?
I was restless last night, so I meowed at the door to go outside. My human ignored me at first, so I made sure that my meows sounded urgent, until he came to the door and said 'alright, alright - give it a rest', and let me outside.
I sniffed a few things then felt hungry, so I went to another door, because it was nearer, and meowed urgently until my human arrived and opened it. He said 'already? You've only been out two minutes'.
I didn't know what he meant, so I led him to my food bowl, where I meowed urgently to be fed.
After my human fed me, I looked around, saw the window open, jumped up, and went outside.
I forgot there are no meeces at this time of year, got a bit bored, and went to a different door. I meowed urgently and pawed and pawed to be let in. My human opened the door and said 'for fuck's sake, Clive!' I wasn't happy at how long he'd taken to let me in, so I did a mini-growl at him.
I headbutted some walls and some chair legs, as they didn't smell of me, then pawed at the door to be let out. I'd forgotted that I needed a wee. My human just made a huffing noise and let me out.
After my wee, I fancied a nap, so I jumped through the open window. I went to find my human, as he's made of warms. I walked up to him and meowed, and he said 'Shit! Where did you come from? I thought you were outside!'
My human took me to see the catty doctor yesterday.
The catty doctor is strange. Sometimes she pats my head and gives me ear scritches, but then she'll try to look in my mouth or grab my neck. I don't like this, so I try to bite her.
Yesterday, she prodded me, looked in my ear, felt my side... then she squeezed underneath me... she squeezed my catty bits.
She said something about 'bladder'.
My human looked worried.
My catty bits still felt weird from where they were squeezed. I was annoyed with the catty doctor. I did a big wee on her table while looking straight at her. It was fun.
