I'm really confused.
Sometimes, I'll be walking around, minding my own business, and my human will come along and pick me up, cuddle me, and do this weird thing where he puts his face to the top of my head and makes a 'mwah' noise.
What is this?
He sometimes comes up to me and does it when I'm having a nice, deep sleep, too.
Every time he does it, I have to do catty head shakes.
Weird human.
My human popped his head outside, so I ran, at full speed, from the end of the garden.
I came inside, and, when he approached me, I ran to the other end of the room and meowed.
Then I ran across the room and behind the large, comfy seat.
When my human came over and said 'What are you doing?', I ran into the food room.
Then I ran back out of the food room.
When my human approached again, I ran to the back door and meowed to be let outside.
My human let me outside, so I ran to the back of the garden.
I'm having fun.
I'm happy.
My human left a big, white sheet out. It was over the large comfy thing he usually sits on.
I jumped up onto the large comfy thing. The sheet smelt nice and clean, and felt soft. It seemed like a good place to nap.
I turned round five times, found my perfect position, and settled down to sleep.
I'm not sure how many catty hours went by, but my human came up to me and said; 'Oh Clive! Not on there.'
He then lifted me up. I meowed in protest, but was still quite sleepy.
He put me on a chair.
He then came in with this weird roller thing and started rolling it over the sheet I was on.
I was confused. Don't leave nice, warm, clean, comfy sheets around if you don't want me to sleep on them.
I was annoyed, so I cleaned my back legs and my bum, and went back to napping.
My human approached me while I was napping, and woke me up.
I wasn't happy. I was having a nice dream about chasing meeces. My tail was wrapped round my nose - I was snug.
But ... he went to stroke me and I realised he wasn't using his hand. He was using something with lots of little spiky bits and a long handle ... and it felt amazing.
He ran it over my head, over my back, and along my side, and I was very happy. It made me purr.
I was so happy, that I dribbled all over my leg, then I got up and did a little happy dance - pushing my paws into my bed.
I was really pleased that my human woke me up. I much prefer the thing with the handle than his hand.
I'm a happy cat.
My human appears to have a new green thing in his sleeping room - a plant.
I found this interesting, so I went and sniffed it.
It smelt okay, so I decided I should bite it.
I ate some of it... then a bit more.
Then I realised it tasted disgusting.
My human came in and shouted 'Clive!'
I ran away... then I went outside to do a catty sick.
I won't be eating that plant again.
I have spotted something else about my human: something shocking.
I don't know how I never noticed it before.
When I do my dirt, I do it in my outside territory, then hide it. I'm not proud of it, and I like to keep the area clean, so I bury it.
If I do my dirt indoors, I do it in a box full of little stones... then bury it under the stones. It then disappears. I've seen my human put my dirt into a bag, with a scoopy thing, so that must be what happens - he puts it somewhere else.
But... my human did his dirt while I was still nearby. He did it in this big white thing that he always sits on.
When he was finished, he pushed some button, then got up.
When he'd gone, I walked over to the big white thing, jumped up, and looked into it... and his dirt was gone!
There was nothing there - just a puddle of water. Where did he put it? You can't bury things in water... and there was nothing there anyway.
I'm so confused. I looked at my human with suspicion all day.
What does he do with his dirt?
I was excited, earlier.
I spotted a fly on a window ledge.
I haven't seen a fly in ages.
I waited.
I stared up at it.
I stared, and stared, and stared.
I slowly moved closer, stooped low, with my belly touching the floor.
I swished my tail.
I got right up close to it, wiggled my bum... and jumped up.
I got it!
I started batting it with my paws ... then realised it wasn't trying to get away.
It was already dead. It was an old fly that had been dead for ages, just lying on that ledge.
I hate this time of year. No live prey.
I was just stood by my human, staring up at him, waiting for some food.
He seemed to be busy.
I stared harder, and realised what he was doing.
He has very little fur on his body. I don't understand humans: why would you not be covered in fur? Don't you get cold?
He has some fur on his face, and... and ... he was removing it! He was scraping it off, in front of a mirror.
Why would he do that? Why would my human want a cold face? Is he mad?
I'm not sure if I can continue to live with such a lunatic human.
I was hungry though, so I let him put some food out for me.
My human seems to be busy today.
I'm aware of this as it took 12 meows, 11 headbutts to his arm, and one nibble of his hand before he put some chicken out for me.
He seems to be tapping away at his keyboard, staring straight ahead.
I have decided that he probably needs my help, so - after flapping at some envelopes with my paws - I have chosen to stand guard and watch over him.
I'm sure that, with my help, he will no longer be busy, and will be free to scratch my ears.
I'm happy - the warm things are working.
The warm things are only warm at certain times of year.
When they're warm, I can sleep next to any of them, and they're so comfy.
There's one at the end of my human's bed, where I can curl up with my tail wrapped round my nose.
There's one in the main room that I can sleep next to.
There's another one which is just below a window ledge. I can sleep on that ledge, and the warmth rises up towards me.
There are other warm things around the house, but these are my favourite three.
I like the warm things.
mmmm, a warm thing.
I went outside today. It was windy.
I stayed behind a plant pot for a bit, hoping to run out and pounce on something.
There's nothing to pounce on. All the meeces have gone to sleep for a bit.
I came inside.
I pounced on my human's foot.
I pounced on a pen.
I pounced on some dust.
I pounced on a cushion.
I pounced on a catty biscuit.
I pounced on a pile of paper.
My human shouted 'Clive!!'... so I stopped pouncing.
I miss meeces.
When I demand that my human feeds me, I wish he'd understand how I like my food presented.
I don't like to chew - it takes too much effort.
I don't mind licking the jelly off the meat, and I don't mind licking bits into the corner of my bowl, where I can chew them a tiny bit.
He doesn't always break my food up into little chunks though, so I have to look up at him and meow until he does.
If he doesn't do this, I have to just lick all the jelly off one big bit of meat, use my teeth a little bit, but find that it's too much effort.
Sometimes I even have to eat the dry food, if my human doesn't break up my jellied food. I wish he'd consider my needs more.
I wandered to the front door, earlier, and meowed and meowed to be let out. I really wanted to go outside. I even started pawing at the door.
When my human arrived and said 'What, Clive?', I walked off - he'd taken too long to get to me and I didn't feel like going outside anymore.
Later, I felt like going outside through the back door. I meowed and meowed, and flapped at the blinds that were drawn down over it ... but my human took too long, again. When he reached me, I wandered off.
In the end, I decided to have a nap.
I wish my human was a bit quicker.
I went outside, this morning, and the weird stuff was in the air.
I thought I saw a sparrow at the back of my territory, so I ran at it.
When I got to it, I saw that it was a leaf.
I went to run up a fence, but got my jump all wrong as I couldn't see the top of it.
I fell down, pretended to clean my tail, then came back inside.
I don't like the weird stuff.
